Learning to love

chapter 2

being a dad suddenly was weird, even though he knew it was going to happen. he just didn't know how soon so to speak, his heart had broken into a million pieces by the loss of amelia and not hearing his daughter cry; well that made it worse.

However, when his daughters cries filled the room he managed to look up and smile. She was alive, after a little bit more of oxygen and treatment she was placed into his arms, still a bloodied mess...but she was perfect.

"hi baby girl." Kian smiles and looks down at her, he felt so protective of her and already loved her so much. Fatherly instinct was a weird thing, but he was going to do everything in the world to make sure this girl grew up happy and loved. He gently takes her hand and coos at her, her little eyes dart up to him and then around.

He held her like that for a little while before the doctors took her back to dress her and clean her, kian goes and sits in the waiting room nearby and jac walks in maybe after 5 minutes, "hey..."

"what do you want?!" kian snaps, mad at her because of the lies she told. he couldn't believe she would lie to him about something so big.

"are you-"

Before she can even finish her sentence he cuts her off, "don't bother jac. don't bother."

"what have i done?" she questions, taking a seat and looking right into his eyes.

"You lied." he retorts and crosses his arms, "you lied to me about amelia."

"kian i did what i thought was best-"

"best?!" Kian splutters  and looks at her, "she was carrying my child! i had a right to know that her heart was failing!"

"i know...im sorry." She sighs and stands up, knowing that it was now best to leave him alone. "I'll go."

"good." he watches her leave and then paces around the room, honestly he couldn't wrap his head around why she would lie like that. it wasn't fair, he deserved to know that the mother of his child was dying and wouldn't see their beautiful daughter grow up, it just wasn't fair. none of it.

it's when he hears the small sound of crying approach the room that he lights up again, and a minute after that the nurse wheels his daughter in, he smiles when the tiny little plastic cot is wheeled in. She was all cosy and warm in her little hat, baby grow and swaddle blanket.

"thanks." he gives a nod to the nurse and goes over to the cot, he places his hand gently underneath her and then places the other one under her head. slowly picking her up and holding her close to him, "im so sorry that your mummy isn't here to meet you."

the small baby looks around and then at him, her hazel, green eyes just stare at him and he can't help but smile and also stare back at his perfect baby. However, in that moment fear overwhelmed him and he realised that this baby was now his to care for. He had no proper support and nobody would teach him how to look after her, this hit him like a ton of bricks and he couldn't make sense of any of it. one minute he had support and help, but the next minute it was taken away.

he sighs and just holds the baby close, not knowing what to do or how to do anything. he didn't even know how to sort out her feeding. for the moment he just had to try and work this out, he quickly decides to make his way to aau where he eventually finds fletch, "hey...fletch uh can you do me a favour?"

"which is?" fletch asks as he looks up from his paperwork, he cocks his head when he notices the small bundle in his arms "is that uh...a baby?"

"yeah." kian nods, "she's mine and all the stuff i have for her is at home. i was wondering if you could get it for me...or look after her?"

fletch hums and thinks, "ill look after her for a bit. And don't worry ill keep her safe."

"ok thanks." kian kisses the baby's head and then passes her over to fletch, "just keep her safe."

"i will." fletch reassures him and rocks the baby gently, he then starts to coo at her and kian leaves.

Kian finds his way out to pulses where he ends up bumping into jac again, "kian-"

"nope." he barges past her and just keeps walking, still so angry at what she had done. He then stops and turns around, "tell me how to put a car seat in the car."

"uh..well" jac questions it for a minute or so before she starts to explain it and he writes it down completely, "thanks." he responds and goes to his car and gets in.

jac follows after him and knocks on the window, he puts the window down and looks at her "do you need any help. like I can put it in for you...i have experience."

"no it's fine."

"ok then..." jac pulls herself away from the vehicle and watches as he pulls out of the parking space and drives off, weirdly she was feeling different about him. like she wanted to do something, help him or-

no that was ridiculous, she needed to get her head straight and realise that helping him wouldn't do anything. him and that baby were definitely not her problem at all.

She walks back inside and heads to aau where she was paged to, she goes there and treats patients and before she can leave, fletch runs up behind her "hey jac uh.."

"what-" she turns around and is met by the sight of a baby in his arms, "don't tell me that's madani's baby."

"it is yeah.." he rubs his head a bit, "she won't settle and theres nobody here to help me."

"fletch- i don't deal with babies. it's just uh not my place-"

"jac i really need to get on...and i can't take a baby with me around the wards."

"oh fine." she reluctantly agrees and takes the baby off him, somehow she had been roped into helping madani and she definitely did not like it. how was it a year ago they were at each other's throats and now she's looking after his baby. well stuck but whichever one it was, she was no babysitter.

For a while after kian joined holby, people would often speculate and assume that they were in a relationship and she absolutely hated that. she would never touch madani like that, he was strictly just a colleague..

often it was questioned if it would stay that way though.