it has started from a happy life to a hell of a life , I feel so empty You know that feeling where you think people hate you and think it's better if you're dead? that's what i'm feeling Everyday I'm trying my best to live just for my family to not be sad but it's so hard .
Ever since grade 5 I've been having these kinds of feelings , All those bullying and things have been hurting me but I've been dealing with those with a smile and brushed it away like it was nothing. everyone laughed at me like I was some outcast , the "popular girls" hated me Eventually everyone did.
I tried committing suicide first when i was Grade 6 I tried to jump off the building of my elementary school building but there were a batch of students that almost saw me so i ran away , the other attempt was when I was grade 6 again I tried to jump off again but a teacher was sitting down the canteen and looked up and almost caught me I got scared and ran away again but when i went inside the classroom everyone was looking at me like they couldn't believe anything and i found out One of my classmates that went out the bathroom saw me and told everyone.
they looked at me and laughed at me and were like "You really tried to commit suicide?" and laughed at me called me names like attention seeker and eventually i laughed with them because i didn't know what to do since I wanted to break down infront of them but cannot because I knew they would call me weak.
the third time i tried to commit suicide is in school again I tried chocking myself with the cliche Wrap or i forgot what was that but eventually everyone laughed at me again and I just looked away I didnt know what to do.
the fourth time i tried was in my own home , I got my dads pills I forgot what is it but it's just some random pills as i remember medicine or pills that aren't meant for your age can give you overdose , I started thinking of my family and friends they're better without me atleast they wont have an additional burden in their lifes right?
once I opened the bottle of pills and poured a lot on my hand was the time my father arrived thats why i put the pills back inside the bottle and Placed it inside the refrigerator again and smiled at my dad and acted like nothing happened.
the fifth time is at my home again , I was thinking of running to the road to get hit "accidentally" by some car i greeted my friends goodbye in chat because i made a decision to finally commit suicide
Have you tried getting a knife and eventually looking at it and pointing it at your heart or stomach thinking how it'll feel like when it's all gone , I think of that too sometimes I try to push it but Im in fear on how much it hurts.
