Red .. such a beautiful colour for many reasons.
It coats the feeling of being love and brings joy to those who experience.It appeases the eyes with the beauty of a rose, and the red flowers that sway in the wind as the sun beams the sky.
However,fo...
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It has been six days.
And I feel worse than I did before.I feel lost, like I am not myself anymore, like I am stranger to my own body.
I no longer had cuffs on my wrists, instead I am made to drink a vial to disable my magic after consumption.The days are long, the nights are longer.
There is no escape.
No escape from the misery, no escape from this room and no escape into the beauty of the stars to distract my mind that is constantly thinking like clockwork.
I have been in the same position for merely 3 hours.I have managed to consume the pills without notice but I keep them hidden to prevent them being taken from me.
My mind is at ease as I watch the same spot in the room.The window has been the interest in my gaze for the last 3 hours.
I watched as the clouds disappeared and the sun split the sky.I then watched the sun disappear behind the tall trees and the dark sky creep up from the sides.
Boring really.
I had no motivation, no energy and no will to move from the bed or even look after myself.My reflection scared me, I used to have a tanned complex with no blemishes or darker areas.
Now?
I had dark circles under my eyes and my skin was pale.I wasn't ill , I wasn't on withdrawl as I was still consuming the drugs but at least my features made my 'getting better' more believable.
The door opened but I made no attempt to move.I was falling deeper and deeper into a hole I was scared I wouldn't be able to recover from.A deep descent into my worst nightmares and my worst fears.
I released a deep breathe and moved for the first time in 3 hours.My hand had cramped and my head was sore so I sat up on the bed and stretched my limbs.
I groaned and walked from the bed into the bathroom knowing my personal hygiene needed attending to.I brushed my teeth before deciding to get into the shower.I didn't bother to take off my clothes instead I put the shower on cold and sat on the floor with my knees tucked up to my chest.
I knew I needed to wash but I physically couldn't.I hated looking at myself, not because I was insecure but more so because I was scared.
I was scared I would be consumed by darkness once more.I was scared I would look into the mirror at my broken features and smirk at the thought of hurting someone I care for because thats what darkness does.
It traps you and forces you to make decisions you won't regret in that moment but when it's over you will blame yourself.You will be stuck knowing it was your fault and you can't do anything to change it.
