not your cup of tea

what doesnt kill u makes u stronger

She never called her dad unless it was for a random check-in
so she wouldn't feel guilty because they didn't have a relationship anymore.
They never really had one anyways.
It didn't matter how hard she tried to mend things with her mom,
she was still abused and hurt everyday.
She gave up eventually.
A part of her wanted to be there for her little sister.
But a larger part of her wanted to ignore every single aspect of each day in her life.
Eventually she gave up on forgiving every time she grandmother was controversial with her.
Instead, she shut her out of her life for good.
Harry stopped making her smile.
She didn't seek him anymore, not even when she felt like it'd help.
He was never actually there for her so it was easy to let go of that hopeful fantasy.
She didn't post on social media anymore.
It just got as exhausting as taking a photo, or getting ready even if it was for herself.
Now it doesn't matter to her.
Her friends were never really her friends,
they were just people who she got drunk with and hooked up with.
She knew that because they never texted back or cared about her.
When she lost her baby rabbit she didn't cry, she locked that pain away.
She wanted to be strong for everyone.
But now that sorrow seeps out little by little and she's haunted.
There's only one person who's there for her now, who's really there for her.
Two rabbits and a government pay check doesn't motivate her anymore,
she gets lazy and spends that money unnecessarily.
She cant find a job,
not because there isn't any,
because she's unhappy and hopeless,
even if she gets it,
she doesn't want it.
The men who approach her don't want her,
they just crave her body,
crave the trophy of saying they got with her.
So shes always alone even when she's cornered in a room by a guy stealing away a kiss.
She hates herself, her body especially.
It wasn't social media or school, or ignorant boys who made her insecure —
it was her family who gave her those issues.
Now she struggles to love the things she once admired in herself.
It is so funny,
to look into the past,
at all the trauma,
all that agony,
never stopping,
and still, she's breathing.
It doesn't make her strong to get by and survive each day.
It does not come close.
It just kills her.
They can think she's doing better,
she's okay,
she's a survivor,
she's strong.
She's. Got. This.
They're fools if they don't see the reality of it.

She's not her anymore.