SCRIPTURIENT REVIEWS | OPEN

❄ CIRCUS OF LONGING | CASSIE ❄

Reviewed by: FmEver

Book Title: Circus of Longing

Author's Name: daydreamingatnight19

Cover: 5/10

I liked the colors but it doesn't stand out. It doesn't have any connection to the title and it doesn't give a hint of what the story is about. Also, the font you chose isn't great either. There are a lot of spaces between the letters and I suggest changing the size too. The words above the title aren't legible unless I zoom in.

Title: 8/10

The title is interesting and nice.

Blurb/Description: 6/10

I liked that you kept the blurb simple and short, but it's not written correctly. I haven't read the story as I write these lines, but here's how I would rewrite the blurb:

Only four things are needed to bring magic: Snow, spark, silk, and dark (darkness maybe?)

Park Da Som hates studying and has a crush on a librarian/university student in her hometown. When a wish that looked innocent lands her in a strange circus, she gets entangled with the mysterious Kim Bong. Is she ready to face what her future brings?

Creativity and originality: 5/10

I haven't read a lot of Korean stories, but yours felt like fanfiction. Correct me if I'm mistaken, but the way you introduced the characters felt like most people knew them. A reason why I felt like that might be because you didn't show them but rather used dialogue to explain their entire backstory. The magic part of the story is nice and interesting.

Plot and Flow: 10/20

I was a little confused because everything happened very fast. I didn't have to get to know the protagonist, and suddenly, there were so many new characters. I suggest slowing down the pace and using more descriptions. Also, telling a character's story with dialogue isn't very creative, and it gets tedious. Use narration too. I liked the magical part of the story and how you described the place in the first chapter, but the rest was a little strange. I would like to mention the photos you used. It's better to describe what a character or an object or a place looks like. To be honest, using photos can be perceived as laziness to describe the characters. It can also hinder the flow.

Character Development: 5/10

I don't have a lot to add. Your characters should be realistic. Yes, they have a great back story, but it's not enough. The way you presented wasn't good too. I saw that you focused a lot on the other characters but not so much on your protagonist. The only thing I've learned in the first chapters is that she has a crush on a boy and that her parents are strict. In the first chapters, you showed really well how sad and lonely she is but what happens next? You need to think about who your protagonist is and what really makes her unique.

Writing style, Grammar, spellings, etc.: 6/10

Write the full form of words. It's "university", not "uni" and it's "okay" not "OK" unless you are writing the short forms as if it's a text message between characters. I noticed you have a lot of run-on sentences and don't separate the sentences. Also, there are some grammatical mistakes too. This sentence in the first chapter is a great example of what you've written and how to improve it: "But the winter break had not even ended still her parents first persuaded and then threatened her to go back to University to get ahead of her classmates in studies or else they'll burn the draft of her manhwa she was preparing since sixth grade."

Try reading that aloud. It's tiring and has too much information. When people read or talk, they pause, they stop to think or take a breath. This is how you should write too. "The winter break had not even ended when her parents persuaded her to go back to university. She had to get ahead of her classmates or else they would burn the draft of her manhwa, the one she was preparing since sixth grade."

That way, grammar is fixed, you avoid being too wordy, and there's a flow in the way you think and express. Firstly, you mention the time, then her parents. You completely remove the threat part and show it (don't tell things, show them) by saying they would burn the draft. By adding how special it is (again we don't say it), you show how much of a threat that was, but also what interests your protagonist.

Genre relevance: 10/10

Honestly, I was surprised to see the term "silkpunk" on your form because I had no idea what it meant. But with quick research, I realized that your story is exactly that.

Reader enjoyment and Communication with the readers: 10/10

Those who commented on your story enjoyed it. I see you don't have a lot of comments. You could have an author's note and maybe, add a few sentences at the end of the chapter or make a "thank you for reading" banner.

Overall: 65/100

You should use an app called Grammarly or have someone edit your story. There were some spelling and grammatical mistakes. The long sentences should be changed too. I suggest entering a book club and reading more stories of this genre to see how other people write. Good luck!