Hailee Steinfeld Imagines

Bathing Suits~ HS 💕

Warnings: Eating disorder, vomiting, bad self image
Summary: Having to wear a bathing suit
Perspective: First
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Hailee was finally done with filming and to celebrate we are going to the beach with griffin and some friends. She has been gone for about a month and I can't wait to finally hang out with her.

As excited as I am to be with Hailee again, I'm nervous to go to the beach. Don't get me wrong I love the beach but not so much the idea of having to wear a bathing suit. Just the thought of having to show off my body made my skin crawl.

I searched through my drawers till I could find a bathing suit that would look at least half decent. I pulled out a white and black bikini outfit. 

I put on the bathing suit and stood in front of the mirror starting at myself. I can't help but notice all of the bad qualities about my body. My hips bulged out of the sides, my stomach hung over, and my thighs were too big. How could Hailee ever love someone as hideous as me. I am truly disgusting. Hailee must be with me out of pity.

I don't even realize I was crying until I taste the salty tear glide past my lips. I wipe the tear as Hailee walks into the room dressed in her bathing suit and coverup. "Hey baby! You look so beautiful!" She says coming over and wrapping her arms around my neck, pecking my cheek.

"Hey, baby" I cleared my throat, trying to think of an excuse. "I don't know if I'm gonna be able go today. I don't really feel that great." I say sitting on the bed looking down to the floor. As I sat down my stomach fat formed rolls, making me feel worse.

"Are you sure?" Hailee puts her hand under my chin and guides it so I am looking at her, not even acknowledging my body. "Ya, you guys can still go, I'm just going to stay here" I give her a small reassuring smile.

"No way! I'll stay here and take care of you" she says pulling me into a hug. "Im gonna go make some chicken soup for you"

"No! No, It's fine I'm not hungry" I say trying to hide the fact I haven't been eating. I can't eat. "Y/n if you don't eat something you're not going to feel any better. You haven't had anything all day, just try to eat a little" she says as she gives me her 'infamous' look. Damn it. "Okay." It's fine I'll get rid of it after.

Hailee goes into the kitchen and starts to make the soup. I feel like such a shitty girlfriend. I'm so selfish, this was supposed to be Hailee's day and now I'm taking it up by being "sick."

Hailee comes back into the room with a tray. There was a bowl of soup, a slice of toast and a cup of tea. I don't deserve her.

I try to eat as little as I possible without looking suspicious. I was sitting next to Hailee while she ate a bowl of her own. We were watching fear street. I took another bite of soup before putting the spoon down. "I'm done. Thank you love" a give her a little smile as she takes away the tray from my lap. "Uhm, I'm going to go to the bathroom really quick" I say getting up and walking out of our room.

I walk into the restroom and sit beside the toilet as tears fall from my eyes. I don't want to do this but the voice in my head won't stop telling me how pathetic I am. I just want to shut them up. I shove two fingers down my throat, gaging at the contact. The acidic fluid reaches my mouth and I empty my stomach. A sense of relief washed over me and I sat back on the floor.

A few minutes go by and I'm still on the floor. Someone knocks on the door but didn't wait for an answer as they swung the door open. "Baby are you okay? I thought I heard-" Hailees expression drops from one of concern to one of pity. She dropped down to my level pulling my hair away from my face. "What happened, babygirl?" The older brunette questioned, placing a hand against my forehead and checking for a fever.

I felt absolutely terrible lying straight to my girlfriends face, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't tell her the truth. "I just got a little sick that's all." Hailee held me close to her, whispering sweet nothings into my ear, in attempts to calm my shaking body. I tried my hardest to keep my composure but upon feeling Hailee's arms wrap around my frail body I broke.  "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Hailee."

"Hey you have nothing to be sorry about, okay?" She looks looked at me with sympathy as she grazed her soft hands across my cheek, wiping my tears. I looked up at her guiltily. "No you don't get it!" Her face changed from sympathy to confusion in an instant. "What do you mean? Just talk to me baby. We can figure this out together" I looked up at her debating whether or not to be honest. If I kept lying, I don't think I'd ever stop, but if I tell her the truth it would ruin our relationship. No one wants a broken girlfriend that they have to tend to. She would leave me in an instant if she knew the truth. I don't know if I could take that level of pain. My eyes filled with sadness as I let out a shaky breath. "I'm not sick. I haven't been. I didn't want to go to the beach because I didn't want anyone to see my body."

Suddenly the floor became the most interesting thing in the room, as I struggled to look up from it. Hailee's hand under my chin guided me to look at her. "Y/n, I need you to be fully honest with me." She looked at me for assurance that I'd be truthful. I reluctantly nodded. "Did you make yourself throw up?" Her eyes began to tear, that's when I knew I fucked up. I lost her. She's going to leave. "Yes" my voice broke as I said the dreaded words. My eyes shut tightly as I accepted my fate.

I had expected Hailee to let go of me and leave me on the cold, hard, tile floor, but I was caught off guard when she only held me tighter to her chest. "You don't hate me?" I said confused and full of fear. Her soft hand came up to wipe my tears. "No, I could never hate you. We are gonna get you through this okay?" I nodded as she held my crying frame. We both sat on the bathroom floor crying in each others embrace. "By the way the food was really good." I said causing a small laugh to erupt from us both.

The brunette carried me back into the bedroom, laying me down on the mattress before settling down herself. "I'm sorry I ruined your beach day Haiz." I said sheepishly, toying with the fabric on the comforter. "Hey, there is nothing more I want to do than spend time with you, okay? And we'll have our beach day when you feel better. We will get through this. Together." I cuddled up to my lovers chest as I dozed off, exhausted from the events of today. Although I know the road to recovery will be rough and have it's bumpy days, I'm happy to have Hailee in my corner.

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A/N-
First One-shot down💪
Also soup is such a funny word I kept laughing everytime I wrote it.
Please gimmie requests as I'm not that creative :)
If you have requested something, it is in the works !
Love you little fruit snacks💕