The One After [SHAWN MENDES]

Chapter 59

"Let me make sure I've got this straight," I started cautiously. "You love me and want us to have a real relationship. Are you okay with the public knowing?"

"If it's important to you that I make a statement, then I'll do it," Shawn replied.

I shook my head. "No. I don't need that. I just do not want to hide it if we move forward. I want to hold hands when we're out and if one of my cousins takes a pic, I don't want to be cropped out before it's posted."

"I'm sorry I was so weird about that before. It was all part of me trying to protect myself from getting hurt again and protect you from the nasty contingent of my fans," he said softly. "You have no idea how much I've struggled these last few months knowing that I let something special get away."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"I tried! Didn't you notice the signs I was sending you?"

"What signs?"

"Why do you think I called you after we broke up?"

"You said you were worried about me and my family," I answered.

"I was concerned, but that was just an excuse to talk to you! I wanted you to hear my voice and miss me like I was missing you, because then maybe you'd give me another chance! My plan didn't work and the end result was you telling me not to contact you again."

"Why didn't you just say all that at the time?"

He threw his hands up in exasperation. "Because you dumped me and I have some pride!"

"Oh. What other signs were there?"

"You and the girls were at Tutti Matti when I was there with Aaliyah. What are the odds we'd be in the same restaurant? It was obviously fate! That's why I posted that thing about there being no coincidences."

"And I was supposed to know that was for me?"

Shawn shrugged. "I thought you'd figure it out. I did the same thing when I posted about making mistakes, because not letting myself love you was the biggest I've ever made. And then later I shared a photo and wrote that I wished you were there. I was trying to send you messages with social media, and until today, you didn't react."

"None of those things were obviously about me! If you wanted me to understand how you felt, you shouldn't have been so cryptic!"

"I outright texted you on New Year's Eve and you replied back like I was nobody."

I grabbed his hand. "I wanted to believe you sent that message because you missed me, but I let my insecurities convince me otherwise. Shawn, I know this is pathetic, but I need lots of reinforcement from you. I'm not confident enough to assume every little thing like a post or text is a sign that you love me!"

"I sometimes have confidence issues, too," he said softly as he gave my hand a squeeze.

This reminded me of something. "When we had sex, you often wanted me to tell you that you were the best I'd ever had. It was totally hot, and I'm not complaining, but it hurt that you never reciprocated that compliment."

He looked genuinely shocked. "Fuck. I'm so sorry, baby. That was my ego taking over."

"I know, but it made me think I wasn't that great."

He leaned closer to me, so close that I could feel his breath on my skin. "Lulu, you are absolute perfection in that area."

Shivers ran down my spine. "It's nice to hear that."

"I'd love to tell you again, maybe in your bedroom."

Part of me wanted him to carry me to bed and fuck me until the sun came up, but I wasn't sure if I was there emotionally yet. "We have more to talk about."