the unraveling of natasha romanoff

laura's garden

Laura's garden stretches around the house and has a second part by a shed. The part by the house is full of flowers of all colors and all varying heights and sizes of plants. It's like it came right out of the house shows Yelena watches. It's insane.

The smaller garden has fruits and vegetables - at least, that's what Laura told Yelena earlier - but there's a whole lot of nothing when Yelena's shown it, instead just a lot of green leaves of varying sizes and little buds that might turn into plants if she squints hard enough.

They're back over by the house's garden now, and Yelena's happy that they've finally moved past awkward pleasantries and she managed to get the story of Laura meeting Natasha out of the other woman.

According to Laura, Clint rescued Natasha as his first act of Laura not working in SHIELD anymore and acclimated her to the way of western life and helped her with the whole "defection" thing in Budapest that Natasha couldn't stop talking about. He brought Natasha home a week after deciding not to kill her and Laura was mad at first, but she came around when she met Natasha. Something about seeing how desparate she was to get out or whatever.

She catches her up on other parts of her life that Natasha was involved with, from the holidays spent together to the other Avengers finally learning of the family's existence.

(That, admittedly, makes Yelena feel a little better. She likes secrets.)

"You know," Laura stops them in front of a patch of red and purple flowers, "When I was pregnant with Nate, we were going to name the baby after Nat. He still is, kind of, but we really thought he was going to be a girl."

"So you went with Nathaniel," Yelena responds, "to still honor her."

Laura nods, "She deserved it. But... she mentioned something during that pregnancy."

Nerves pool in Yelena's stomach, "What?"

"Well, she was flirting with Bruce at the time. I don't remember why , if it was a real crush or grasping at straws, because it was right before she met Wanda, but..."

"You haven't eaten anything," Laura pointed out, putting a plate of toast in front of her, "Are you not feeling well?"

Natasha didn't spare a second glance at the food in front of her, "I'm fine."

Laura raised an eyebrow, "Try again, Nat."

Natasha was quiet, obvious thoughts happening but nothing coming out in words.

"Nat," Laura rested her hand on her stomach absentmindedly, "Come on. Something's up."

"I..." Natasha sighed, "I want this life."

Laura wasn't expecting that. The one topic they never truly discussed was Natasha's wants when it came to family. She'd always said that being a part of this family was enough and Laura never pressed.

"So... does that mean you're thinking about retirement?" Laura asked carefully, not sure of where this was going.

Natasha looked frustrated, anxiously pulling at her fingers and refusing to make eye contact with anything but her hands. Her eyebrows were furrowed so hard that Laura was sure she was going to give herself a headache.

"Nat?"

"It's not going to happen," Natasha said suddenly, "It can't."

"Retirement?" Laura sits down across from her, hoping that by getting on the same level as her she'd get answers.

"Any of it!" Natasha exclaimed, "I can't do any of it. I am a spy. That is my use in this world. There's no time for relationships, there's no... there's no way to have a kid in this world I signed myself up for. All that matters are the missions and being an asset."