EMBRACE winrina

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Anger.

Sheer anger is what I felt in those next few hours. I couldn't force myself to feel anything, literally anything else but that. I was angry with Leo, I was angry with the fucking world. I was almost angry with Karina for being so god damn ridiculous. We lived in a fucked up world, that was something I had accepted a long, long time ago, and it was about time she start being fucking realistic too. It didn't do anybody any good to have false hope. Because that's what it was, false hope. How could I possibly believe that we'd figure it out? We wouldn't be figuring out anything except for the fact that nothing ever worked out for me.

I went to work, but truthfully, I probably shouldn't have. I had never felt more bitter in my entire life. Why did Leo exist? Why couldn't I just wish him away? Other people's wishes came true. I watched as shoppers passed me in the grocery store, talking idly and smiling.

I watched a woman pass by me with her child, giggling and ruffling her daughter's hair. Her wish had come true, hadn't it? I was sure that at some point in her life, she'd hoped that one day she'd have a child, a child that she could pour her love into.

I watched more people pass by me. A married couple, two teenage boys, a young woman in her twenties. They all looked happy. Everyone looked so god damn happy. Why couldn't I have that? Why couldn't Karina and I live off somewhere, in a different world. In these peoples' world? Clearly they lived in some other world than I did. I wanted to be there. I wanted to be done.

I wanted desperately to be done.

The walk back to Karina's apartment gave me a bit of time to clear my head. There wasn't a name written on the note, so I considered the possibility that it wasn't Leo and his attorney's doing. But I quickly ruled that out because who the hell else did Karina and I know that was mentally unstable enough to do something like this?

Lavender called me when I was about fifteen minutes away from Karina's apartment. Her words only frustrated me more. Apparently when she'd left this morning, Karina had been dead set on sending herself to prison. For me. For my safety, for my well-being, for my happiness. I couldn't find it in me to think about why she would do that for me. I could only think that her testifying was a stupid, very stupid idea.

When I made it back, I headed towards Karina's bedroom. I pushed the door open slightly to see her on the bed, facing away from me with a phone pressed to her ear.

"I will not accept that!" she practically screamed into the phone. "Don't tell me to fucking calm down Caleb. As a matter of fact, don't tell me what to do period. It's my life and guess what, it's my testimony. If I want to give myself up to make sure that someone I love is safe, then I'm going to do that, and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

After a brief moment, she spoke again. "I get that but if you, Lavender, and Win are all thinking about me, who the fuck is going to think about her?"

"Put yourself in my shoes, Caleb," she continued as I lingered in the doorway, frozen. "If it were Lavender's safety on the line, or Addy's, are you going to try to tell me you wouldn't do the same exact thing that I'm doing?"

"Well I'm glad you'll never find yourself in this situation but I don't have that luxury. It's either both of us walk free or both of us go to prison for breaking the law, which I did do, and I'd prefer the latter if it means that Win will be able to live her life without worrying about getting hurt again."

I just stared at her, well, her back. Their conversation seemed to come to a close with her next couple statements. Karina sighed heavily. "She has her sister now, she doesn't need me. It'll be okay. Look I'll call you tomorrow morning. I don't want to talk about this anymore tonight."