TW // trauma, self harm, delusions, mentions of mental illness
Yuan has been hiding for almost a week already, all he thinks is he needs to hide, he needs to keep himself alive.
If he hears some noise he would immediately shake and hide himself on the closet. He doesn't know what to do, he wants to go out. He wants to move but it seems like someone is stopping him, could be his own self.
"Mom where are you!? mom i need you!" he shouts as he trembles in fear "My medicine! my medicine! I'm going crazy this isn't right!"
He said as his thoughts got mixed up, he's finding his medicine, he needs to stop himself from this.
"THERE! HERE YOU ARE!" he said in relief and immediately eat all the medicines not knowing anything, he's not on his right mind. He ate all the medicines but later on he puke it out and when he realized he ate all the medicines he got scared, he doesn't know what's happening, he can't control his self anymore
'WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING!' he thinks as he grabs his own hair and lay on his bed
He let his eyes close, trying to sleep so he can at least runaway from this. He badly wants to leave anything.
'how can i live if i can't even control myself anymore?'
that's the question repeating on Yuan's mind as he forcefully letting himself to sleep
'if i woke up would i able to forget everything?' that's the last question that came on Yuan's mind before letting his self fall asleep
"YUAN! YOU BITCH OPEN THIS!" Yuan woke up by the sudden noise, he immediately hide on the corner and covered his ears
He can see the door moving, he forcefully close his eyes and starts mumbling 'mom', 'go out', 'leave me alone'. He doesn't know want to do anymore, he wants to fight, he wants to be strong.
He grab his cutter and starts walking slowly towards the door but before he can open it, it immediately open revealing his angry step mother. He immediately hide the cutter that he was holding and put his head down.
"YA! are you trying to kill yourself!?" his stepmother ask while trying to reach for his hands "YOU SHIT! ALL YOU FUCKING DO WAS HIDE HERE AND THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE DOING!?" she said while grabbing the cutter. Yuan feels like everything turn out into a mess, noise, full of noise.
'what is this!? this is so fucking confusing!'
"STOP MY MOM IS HERE! SHE'S SLEEPING ON MY BED!" Yuan shouts while pointing the empty bed that made his stepmother stop and sarcastically laugh
"Stop fucking kidding me! give me that cutter!" she keeps on grabbing the cutter while Yuan tighten his grip on it
"STOP! MOM IS SLEEPING! SHE'S GOING TO WAKE UP! MOVE! WE'RE HIDING?!" Yuan shouts as he accidentally slip his stepmother's hand and he heard her hiss in pain
"WAKE UP!" a shout and slap that made Yuan came back to his own self
"OH GOD! BLOOD BLOOD! BLOOD!" Yuan panicked as he saw the blood dripping but his stepmother moved and walked towards the door
"You're crazy it's because you're not paying attention to us!" his stepmother angrily said "PRAY AND REFLECT!"
that's the last words that he heard before his stepmother locked the door, he immediately run to the door and tried to open it but he failed, he's locked up.
"OPEN THIS PLEASE! PLEASE!" Yuan begs as he forcefully close his eyes because he keeps on hearing noises
"PRAY!" that's all he can hear from his stepmother and later on he feels like his stepmother left their house, leaving him alone.
He's scared, he's just closing his eyes because when he opened it he will see his mom again. He doesn't want it to happen, he doesn't want to lose himself again.
He keeps hearing noises, soft voice, shouts, mixed voices.
'please leave me alone!' he thinks as he cover his ears
Later on when the noise are gone, he slowly remove his hands that's covering his ears and slowly open his eyes too but he freaked out when he saw his mom sitting peacefully on his bed
He already knows something isn't right but he still have the urge to talk to her...
'NO. SHE'S NOT REAL!" he thinks as he shake his head while still looking at his mom, his mom slowly look at him
it looks so real...
"My son, did you miss me?" Yuan cried as he hears it, he's holding himself... he needs to hold it... he doesn't want to lose himself again.
"Mom... can you leave me..." he asks, tears keeps on falling while he's looking down, he can't face his mom because he's scared that if he do he will forget what reality is.
"Are you okay, my son?" his mom asked and Yuan wants to shout... he wants to shout... he's getting confused
'what if she's real?'
'NO! she's not real!'
He shake his head... he's now lost... he can't fucking tell what's real and what's not.
"Mom... i missed you"
and there.
Yuan is now lost, longing for comfort... he knows something is wrong but he still chose what his heart wants, he can still avoid it, he can still stop it but when he finally chose what he wants... he can't now tell what is real.
___
A/N : hello, as the story goes on i think it's getting boring so i will apologize T___T actuallly it doesn't satisfy me either but i will still always try to improve dw ! thankyou, keep safe >< i will try to update tomorrow but i can't promise since i'm going to finish my other short fic hehe :D
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Rooftop
Fanfictiona sunwon fic wherein yuan ( sunoo ), a bullied student, no one dares to befriend him, not until this one cold, unbothered boy, hades ( jungwon ), transfer to their university. "Don't just exist, try to live." "Hell, how come you're saying that when...
