BLUE

Dancing with his ghost

'Stop torturing me' she says almost inaudible.
He looks around. Walks slowly to the bed she is sitting on, bends with only an inch between their faces, looks into her eyes directly like he always does and says
'I'm not torturing you'.
She gulps. 'You- you are' she says and bites her lip not breaking the eye contact.
He stares for some time and stands up.
'You are destroying me' she says when he turns around. He stops and turns back to her, bends again.
'Am i?' he says raising his right eyebrow biting his gum?
She gulps again and replies 'you are destroying me.'
'Am i?' he asks again tilting his head.
'You are' she gulps. He doesn't reply and stares into her eyes. She does the same. She's used to it now. His intense but shallow stares that cut deep into her soul but still are full of emotions like he is telling a story through his eyes. He always stares when he wants an answer from her. He always stares till she gives an answer. The answer that he wants.
'But you love me.' He says breaking the silence. 'right?' his hand goes to her face and his fingers run through her bangs. 'right?' he says in a whisper.
She looks away and gulps again. 'right?' he says again.
She bites her lip 'doubt it now'.
She made up her mind. She is done. She is done being his girlfriend. She should move on. Move on from him. Move on from her dead boyfriend, his ghost. He is dead. He died two years ago and today is his death anniversary. He IS dead. Everyone reminds her everyday 'EVERYday' that he is dead. She reminds herself that he is dead. She changed her lock screen from his picture to a picture with 'DEAD' written in white in a black background. He is dead.
She doubts whether he loved her when he was alive either. They were together for one year and the only happy memories she has with him are limited to only one week. He was manipulative. He always did what he wanted. He used her. He used her love, money or maybe the pity she had for him for being an outcast in society and the trust she had that she could make him a better human. He didn't hurt her physically but the stress he gave her from the very first day till now is enormous. But still, still, she loved him from the beginning.
What made her fall in love with him? She still doesn't know the answer. Maybe, maybe it's the very random, small but big acts of care he made, like waiting for her in front of the college gate every day or him just staring at the sky silently when she is talking about her problems, maybe listening, maybe not, who cares. The fact that he was always there, made her feel full. And he is still here. Or maybe it wasn't love. Maybe it was pity. Maybe it was fear. Or trust. Whatever it was, she should let go now.
She is done seeing his ghost every day. She is done going home to his ghost every day. She is done being manipulated by his ghost. She is done eating with his ghost. She is done being comforted by his ghost. She is done dancing with his ghost.
She closes her eyes. Opens her mouth. Takes in a deep breath. Exhales. Waits for some time. Opens her eyes.
'You want me gone?' he asks his head tilted with his face only an inch away from hers, smiling.