A Bit Of Soft (In A Broken Place)

Chapter One

"Hello?"

Silence.

"Hello?"

"Meet me at Arrow House in an hour." He didn't wait for a response. The call was already ended. He'd gone back and forth about it- calling her. He'd tried to tell himself it didn't matter. It was just Lizzie. But he'd still made the call from the upstairs hall. The one place he couldn't turn and see Grace's eyes on him. He could still feel her. Her perfume was still lingering in the air- like she'd just passed through to another room.

He couldn't think. He couldn't fucking think. He didn't sleep or eat. Even Charlie... He could barely look at him. Too much of Grace and yet not enough, either. Perhaps that's why he'd called Lizzie. Maybe he could feel something- just for a moment. Maybe he'd come and his body would force his mind to act. Or maybe he'd have Lizzie's scent on him for a bit instead of his wife's.

The thought didn't sit well. Lizzie couldn't replace Grace. There wasn't enough of Lizzie to make up half of Grace. There wasn't enough of any woman compared to his Grace. It was fact. He was at peace with it. When there was no peace anywhere else, that he could sink into. There'd be nothing for him without her. Just a cunt to fill when his head was too much. Then he'd die. And maybe, maybe, God or Fate or something higher that he didn't fucking believe in would show mercy. Maybe it'd let him see her one more time before he descended into hell.

Fuck, but this was hell. Living and breathing and moving when there's no reason- when there's nothing left inside. There's Charlie. The thought made his bones heavier. His heart- cursed thing that it was- ached when he'd thought it wasn't possible to hurt more. Even his own son wasn't enough. Shit father that made him.

Made no sense- he couldn't fucking think yet his mind was full of shit. Thoughts picked at him, mucked around where they'd no business. But business he couldn't focus on for the world. There was no plan. There was no next step. There was nothing. Just the mess of uselessness buzzing and scratching and clawing at his mind. His hand touched the gun at his side. One bullet would make things quiet. One bullet and he'd see Grace again- even for just a moment. One little ball of metal and powder and he'd have no thoughts and no need of them.

A knock came at the front door.

He could have looked over the banister, but he didn't. It'd be Lizzie. He'd given instruction that no one else be allowed in. Had told Frances and Mary that morning to expect her and only her- all other visitors were to be sent away. He'd caught the sad look they'd shared- pity and sympathy that made him want to fucking gag or shoot something or bloody scream himself hoarse. But he'd just sent them off. And now one of them was letting Lizzie in.

Her heels clicked on the floor. She walked faster than Grace, but somehow her steps were always a bit hesitant when she came here. Grace hadn't been hesitant anywhere. She'd been a fucking queen in every room she entered. And he'd gotten to take her home with him. He'd gotten to taste her lips and run his dirty hands over her perfect skin. He'd held a goddess in his arms.

He'd let that goddess die in his fucking arms.

"Tommy?" He lifted his head. Lizzie was half up the stairs. He hadn't noticed. She was watching him like he'd seen her watch a john before agreeing to take him on. Like she was calculating the risk of getting closer. Like maybe food wasn't worth a night with that particular man. Tommy didn't even care that she was looking at him that way. She was right to. Because he wouldn't be gentle with her- he couldn't. Gentle was for Grace. And Grace was gone.

He nodded his head towards the room he'd been sleeping in. The one on the other side of the stairs from the master bedroom. Lizzie went, didn't even raise a brow in question. For all her curiosity, Lizzie knew when to keep her questions to herself. It's why he hired her as his secretary. Why he knew she was the one to call for this. He followed her down the hall, pushing the door open so she could go in. He only paused for half a step before following her in.