not receiving a text back i assumed billie had fallen asleep, it was late and i was tired but i always forced myself to stay up to talk knowing she didn't sleep until the early hours of the morning.
i set my phone on my bedside table, it buzzing a few times as random notifications came through but I ignored them falling asleep right away.
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Billie
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Ria🥰: I'll see you tomorrow right love?
I ignored the text that came in from my girlfriend, deeply focusing on my breathing as I tried to push away yet another panic attack.
i don't know what had gotten into me recently but it seemed like every little thing set it off. one wrong thought and i was out.
I couldn't seem to get myself under control as things from years ago ran through my head. trying to think of something else only made me focus on the fact that i was trying not to think about them which made it all worse.
eyes blurred with tears i reached out for the glass of water i had sitting on my nightstand. my hands were shaking and my tics were out of control but i managed to grab the glass, holding it up to my mouth and taking a sip before my jaw unwillingly clamped down around the cup.
I let out a cry as the glass cut open the inside of my lip, tasting the horrible metallic taste of blood as it filled my mouth.
"Finneas!" I sobbed, grabbing the collar of my shirt and pushing it against the inside of my mouth trying to stop the bleeding. I hate blood.
seconds later my door was pushed open, my tired brother standing in the doorway "what did you do billie!?" he exclaimed, turning on my normal lights so he could see better.
"it wasn't on purpose i swear" i cried, my voice coming out muffled due to the fabric in my mouth "it was my tics i promise!"
"get in the bathroom" he sighed in a gentle voice, following me out the door and down the hallway.
i sat on the counter, trying not to keep crying but it hurt and i just wanted my girlfriend.
"fin i want aria" my voice cracked, i wiping my nose with the back of my hand.
"i know we'll call her in a minute, rinse your mouth" he assured me, handing me a small paper cup filled with water.
i dropped my shirt from my mouth and swished around the water, nearly gagging when i spit it back into the sink and it was a deep red. my brother ran the faucet and then passed me a folded dark washcloth.
"You have to keep this on it billie, i'm serious and don't touch it with your tongue it'll sting" finneas reminded me and i held the rag on my lip, taking in shaky breaths as i tried to stop crying.
"can you call aria please" i begged, sniffling and wiping my eyes.
"i'll call her billie, go change your shirt and put that one in the basket to be washed" my brother said, pulling his phone from the pocket of his pajama pants and searching his contacts.
i hopped off the counter and walked back to my room, taking off the blood stained green shirt i was wearing and replacing it with a black tanktop then stepping back into my bed.
Fin came back seconds later, a frown on his face "she didn't answer billie, she'd probably sleeping, i'm gonna go get you a water bottle"
that sentence only made my cry harder, just wanting to be with her i grabbed my own phone and rang her contact multiple times.
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Aria
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"Bil what's up?" i answered in a groggy voice, not realizing how many times i was called
"please come over ria" she pleaded in a cry, i heard her shuffle around in the blankets through the muffled microphone.
"whats wrong baby, i'll be right there lemme get my shoes" i promised, jumping out of bed and putting on an old beat up pair of air forces.
"I just need you please hurry" she answered, i heard her brother talking in the background. something about water and a 'are you talking to her'.
"I'm on the way pretty, do you want me to stay on the phone with you? i'll be there in 5 minutes."
"please"
"okay love" I sighed, driving quite faster than the speed limit trying to get there as soon as possible.
When finneas opened the door he thanked me for getting there as quickly as i could, saying billie had been begging for me and then walking with me to her room.
I pushed open her bedroom door and sat down on the bed with her, the door closing shortly after.
"What happened baby, why the tears? why are you bleeding?" I questioned, brushing my hand through her tangled hair.
"I couldn't breathe and i was just trying to drink water and my tics were so bad and i broke the glass and it cut me. i just wanna go to bed i don't like today" billie cried, leaning into my touch and holding onto me tight.
"i'm sorry love, let's lay down we can talk in the morning if you want to. i'll hold this just close your eyes" i frowned, laying back in her bed and bringing her down with me.
billie cuddled her head into my neck which held the rag in place by itself so i wrapped my arms around her back, gently running my nails up and down.
"I'm sorry i woke you up" she sniffled, tightly holding onto my shoulder while she took in slow but shaky breaths.
"don't apologize pretty girl, i should've kept my ringer on i could've been here sooner" I sighed, placing a kiss to her forehead.
i felt her smile gently, sniffling again before telling me she was tired.
"sleep baby, i'll be here when you wake up"
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gag anyways the only reason i'm posting this is so i can ask for requests and keep them sub billie please lol
