I Am In This Too

So my friend Elsie and I  both had the thought of how we needed a story of the missing scene where MerNick talk after the discussion in the lab and he comes back to Seattle with her and meet the children. The moment where she asks him to go with her, and says she is in it too. So we both wrote one. Here is mine. Mine I used as a chance to also let Meredith have the conversation I really want her to have with Nick, but I think she won't ever have, as I don't think the show dares touch the subject. The subject of DC and how Derek left her for DC and thought it was everything for a while. So here is a take on Meredith telling Nick about that time. 

Meredith sighed as she knocked on the door to Nick's office with her elbow, and waited until she heard his call to come in. She pushed down the door handle with her elbow and pushed the door open so she could enter.
"Hi." She offered as she walked over towards his desk and handed him a cup of coffee, making him lift an eyebrow at her. She shrugged on her shoulders and sighed.

"Peace offering, I couldn't find any pie, so coffee." She answered his unspoken question.

"Pie?" He wondered, and she nodded, as she looked down on the tips of her shoes.

"Humble pie. I guess, I owe you some." She mumbled, before she heard him chuckle and glanced up at him again watching as he shook his head. He opened his arms, and nodded at her. She placed her own cup of coffee on his desk, before she sat down on his lap sighing, as she felt him slip his arms around her, while pulling her in closer. She laid, her head against his shoulder, feeling him press a kiss to the crown of her hair.

"You don't own me humble pie, Meredith. But I really didn't tell you about any of that, because those projects nor their economy have anything to do with my feelings for you. I had no chance of knowing your project would be a success, though I expect it would, plus I liked you from the moment I first saw you those years ago." He explained, and she nodded with a sigh against him.

"You are right, I do know that. You couldn't have known for sure, it isn't that. I talked to Dr. Bartley earlier. I don't like to be ambushed like Hamilton did, nor do I like to be handled. He reminds me of my mother in that sense. And I hate the word triggering, but it is sort of like that. But it isn't just that." She admitted softly. Nick tightened his arms around, and she laced one of her hands through his, pulling it against her stomach, while his other rested on her thigh.

"Okay? What is it then?" He asked carefully, making her stomach tighten.

"It is complicated, and it isn't something I really like to talk about nor something you will hear me mention often if ever again, nor hear from my friends or family, as most of those who are still living in Seattle wouldn't actually know these things, as I mostly shared them with friends who have now moved away." She explained as she debated how much to say or how to voice it at all.

"Meredith, you don't need to tell me, if it is troubling you. I don't expect you to share things you aren't ready to tell me." He offered and she nodded against him. It was tempting to take his offer, but it wouldn't actually help them going forward. For him to actually understand some of why it was for her to trust his honesty and kindness regarding the permanent position she had been offered, and that he wasn't and hadn't been trying to manipulate her.

"Thank you, but I really should tell you. Nick, my husband, my marriage, it wasn't always as happy or perfect as I, nor others around me might in the future tell you it was. Derek, when we met, and through our relationship, he was the one people "knew" of. The famous one, the brilliant surgeon people sought out, for advice, for special procedures, but also for big job offers. He was offered one in Boston, at Harvard when I was finishing up my residency and was looking at a fellowship at Brigham, I wasn't particular interested in taking it, though it was the best program, Derek, he had almost finished building a house for us, and my family lived in Seattle, my friends as well, though they were also thinking about leaving, Derek though he really wanted to go, it was a big chance for him, in the end I actually agreed to go, but things happened out of our control, that made us stay after all. It isn't so much that situation that left me vulnerable towards the subject of moving, there was another instance later on." She explained and paused as she debated how to best explain the whole issue of Derek and DC to him. After Derek died, she had pushed it down, pushed it away, buried it so far in the back that she would never have to think of it again. It would hurt too much, it would make everything she felt on the past on her life, on her love for her late husband so much more complicated, it was one of those things, she just didn't want to remember, and yet she knew it was also present in her, and now with this job offer, with Nick here, and her in Seattle, with her wondering and thinking he might twist the offer, and use it to push her to take it, to make her move to him, she also knew she had to address the past. Even if the situations were very different, they also brought back memories for her, and made it harder for her to trust that he had fully pure intentions, and really did just want her to do what she wants, and not had any wish of pushing something on her against her will.