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13. In pain alone (Tobirama)

I leaned back, slung my arm over the back of the couch. With my other hand, I brought the glass of wine to my lips, took a sip. I unbuttoned another button of my grey shirt, showing off a silver chain. I sighed, let the alcohol stream through my blood to my brain.

Please... Please don't use me.

His face when he said that made my heart shatter. He had looked so worried, begging me to be gentle. It was as if I were the starving lion and he was the zebra, and we were trapped together in the same cage. But I had feelings for said zebra, and had to choose whether to eat him or to love him. The zebra, in turn, could only pray I did the choice that spared him.

Having that kind of power over someone usually aroused me, but not now. Not like this. Now, I felt only tenderness. Only a desire to protect. I wished he was with me, at this party, in this luxurious hotel so I could hug him, squeeze him to death.

"Hi."

I jerked back to reality. A girl had sat down next to me on the side where I had my arm on the back of the couch, making it look like I had my arm around her.

I removed said arm.

She looked very displeased.

I knew I looked like I didn't care, which I didn't.

I recognised her; I'd filmed with her once.

"Can I buy you a drink?" she asked.

I admired her boldness.

I stood up and left.

I texted my manager Roland and asked him to cancel tomorrow's party.

He texted me and asked me if I was okay.

We weren't in a hotel room this time, but in the apartment of a friend of Will's.

It was a loft, open and airy and clearly expensive, but some of the sterile feeling of a luxury hotel room was gone. Add the dusk, and it became incredibly cosy, the tilted roof windows letting in the dark purple sky with the corals of a setting sun.

I was late, on purpose, wanting to assert some kind of dominance over Izuna, which I knew was ridiculous because Izuna was a kind of man who would feel dominated if he felt like it, and if he didn't, he would just move on with his day. Even so, I was happy to find him already there, getting his hair curled.

He had turned his head as soon as the door opened, way more confident than me in himself as he didn't need to pretend he didn't see me at first like I would have done. For a bottom, he was certainly enormously cocky. 

His face changed when he saw me. Luckily I had my glasses on so I could see how it went from softness to pure bliss. It was like cracking an egg open and revealing a summer sun inside. I walked over to him until I was far into his personal space, looked down on him, grabbed his chin. I didn't know what he thought about it, but I found the different dynamics we seemed to have depending on the situation fascinating; the way we behaved privately versus the way we behaved on set. The electricity sparking between us now compared to the softness laying down like a soft blanket over us when we met at the library, and afterwards when I kissed him for real for the first time.

I was playing with my tongue piercing like there was no tomorrow. 

"You look fantastic in that eyeshadow", I purred.

He looked down, smiled a little.

"Shut up", he whispered.

And that electricity was gone then, and instead came that soft blanket, wrapping both of us up in a cocoon of safety.