Serendipitous

Part 1

Persephone

3 months later...

'Cause you got that James Dean daydream look in your eye,

And I got that red lip classic thing that you like,

And when we go crashing down, we come back every time

Cause we never go out of style, we never go out of style'

Another batch of muffins ding a sound of completion from the roaring oven radiating heat onto my legs, muting my tone-deaf voice momentarily. I place the bowl of batter I'm mixing onto a countertop, dancing over to my favorite pair of oven mitts. I pull them onto my hands with the flair of a common surgeon, soon after stooping down and pulling open the oven door. A waft of hot air hits my cheeks as my hands find their way to the burning trays, quickly whipping them out of the hot furnace. I place them on a cutting board to cool, before taking up my bowl of batter once again. 

I've been baking all morning, like every other Friday morning for the last 10 or so weeks. On my first Friday of working for the Bruins, I decided I'd bake brownies for the team, after their training. It wasn't a bribery thing, more of a 'I'm new here and want to fit in, want some food?' and a 'well done for getting to Friday, pal. Let's celebrate'. Surprisingly, my rusty baking skills were an instant success, and ever since that first week, my baking has become an accountable 'thing'. Sure, I feel a little bit like a mother hen, but I don't really mind. Baking for the team gives me something to do in my agonizingly quiet and lonely spare time, and I hope that it brings a little joy to everyone's Friday's. It's the least I can do, really. Everyone has made me feel so at home, even as the newbie, and I couldn't be more grateful for that. And, also because I sort of feel bad for chasing the guys around with a camera 24/7. Taking photos is apart of my job, obviously, but I still feel bad. Like I'm in the way. 

Anyway, long story short, who said bribery hurt anyone?

The team is currently wrapping up their pre-season, with the actual NHL season starting in just under 2 weeks. I've been working since my interview back in July, and honestly, I'm really loving my job. I've got a great work life balance, meaning I'm still able to meet up with my friends multiple times a week. Which is amazing, because, if anything, my limited daily work hours means I may have too much free time on my hands. And I think we all know what happens when we have too much free time. 

We think. About everything and nothing. About everything weighing us down, everything that we think is wrong with ourselves and our lives. Our brains work in wonderful and mysterious ways, some of which are more unhelpful than they are pivotal to our lives. In times of loneliness and slowness in life, we begin to doubt ourselves, even when we know it's better not to.

My latest doubts have stemmed from my friends impending wedding. Lera's wedding date is just less than a month away, at the end of October, and thankfully, I'm happy to say that I'm more excited than nervous. Although, its the times when I'm alone, late at night or right as I wake up, that my doubts about myself begin to loom. I'm trying not to let them seep in, though. It's not fair to Lera to make her special day about myself, and it's not like my problems have anything on the enormity of her wedding. But, sometimes it's hard to silence the voices in her head. 

My problem, is that Lera has left me a plus-one spot. Even after telling her numerous times that I won't be needed one, she's left room for me to bring someone, just in case. I am grateful that she's just trying to help, and give me the opportunity to bring someone along, but the point that she's pushing the whole guest thing is pushing me to feel a little inferior again. I feel young again, the odd one out while everyone else is having a good time with their dates. I have this stupid, undying fear that I'll be sitting in the corner all night when the slow songs flood through the speakers to the dance floor, feeling unbelievably sorry for myself.