Ongoing Levi x Petra AoT fanfiction, mostly focused on emotions and slowly developing relationship between lance corporal Levi and the cadet Petra Ral. A story is quite detailed description of happenings before Petra joined the military and then fol...
Today is my 18th birthday, but I don't feel like I'm any older than the last year. I can say that I'm just more mentally and physically prepared for my future.
I woke up early as usual and went to do my daily training routine, and after that I started doing house chores. I decided to make muffins for the afternoon birthday celebration with my mum and dad.
~ time skip ~
"Happy birthday, sweetheart!"
My dad greeted me as he entered the house with a flower bouquet in his hands. It was beautiful. Normally I don't expect anything for birthday, but my parents always give me some small thing as a token of appreciation, like they say, and this time its flowers. I went to hug my dad and said:
"Thank you dad. You didn't have to... they are beautiful."
I looked at the flowers for a moment and then turned my gaze to the living room to find a spot they would fit in. I got a vase and put some water and flowers into it. Meanwhile my dad went to see how mom was doing and help her come to the dining room where I set up the table for my small birthday celebration. I don't have any friends, so there were just my parents celebrating with me at a times like this. My grandma died two years ago, so neither she could join us. But it wasn't always like this. Namely, when I was younger I had a few friends I was mostly playing hide and seek outside with alongside with my younger brother. However, after my brother's death, they all left. We were just kids, so I can understand it a bit. Kids often don't know how to react to unfamiliar situations like the tragic one that happened to my family. So they just stopped searching for me to play with them. They thought I was sad, and looked at me as a bit disabled since I went through such a trauma. That was somewhat true and I can understand them. I was never the same after Martien died. Although I always appear happy, in fact I am not. I just want people around me to feel different than myself.
My thoughts were interrupted when parents entered the dining room.
"Happy birthday, my beautiful daughter."
My mother said excitedly, but I could see she was not quite well. She gave her best to make the credible smile, and I sincerely returned her one.
"Thanks mum."
We ate the dinner I prepared and as a dessert we had muffins with the tea. It was really a pleasure spending time like this with my parents. We were talking about a lot of tings, not just my recruitment. It's like we are getting to know each other every time we talk at dinners like this one. No matter how long you know someone, or even live with him, you can always find something new about that person. And that was the case with my parents. My father never fails to make a good joke and make my mother and me laugh. I just wish my brother was also here...
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After dinner, I cleaned the table with my dad's assistance and went to prepare for sleep. I took a shower, brushed my teeth and put on my sleeping dress. I started to rub my wet hair with a towel in order to dry it, but then I remembered something. I instantly threw the towel on my bed and ran outside of my room. I left the house and went to the mail box on the fence. I opened it and let out a sigh as I reached for the thing I expected. It was the letter from the military. I took it to my room and read the content of it. It was the acceptance letter with an invitation, saying I can join with the next group of recruiters, which will take place within a month. If I accept the invitation, I will be assigned the 88th trainee squad with a total of 21 people, it says. Of course I will join as soon as possible. I knew the period from sending the letter to joining would be something like a month, so I was prepared. But still, I have to think of the things I have to finish and make sure everything is in order around here before I leave. That's what I will be planning tomorrow, I thought as I yawned putting a hand on my mouth. I set the letter on the desk and went to bed. I was really tired by now. I laid down and went to sleep.
~ the dream ~
I was sitting by the thick wooden table in the dining room. The room was small, but comfy. A cold white stone walls and wooden furniture with lacy decorations were enough to realise that this was my grandma's place. The familiar smell of granny's food occupating the room. I was a bit bored while waiting for dinner so I decided to go outside. My grandma's house was in a beautiful opened space within a meadow. There was a large deep blue lake making this view even more dreamy. I walked towards the garden to look for some strawberries my grandma was keeping. I know that at this time of the year there is fruits, so I planned to pick up a few and share them with Martien. Just then, I was interrupted with someone's running steps. Then I heard a young boy's voice:
"Onee-chan, would you come with me to the lake!"
It was my brother. He was wearing a straw hat, protecting his skin from the sun even though it was not needed anymore because the sunset is within an hour, but he liked wearing it anyway. He had a white shirt on, brown pants and was of course shoeless. He liked walking barefoot when it was warm outside, partly because he always trampled in any kind of water he found outside. When we were at grandmas' it was the lake he liked to have his feet in. There was an excited smile on his face as he invited me.
"I will come shortly! I want to pick us some strawberries first."
I replied, struggling and moving the leaves out of my way. Grandma's garden was a bit thick as she had all kinds of vegetables in it, and tomatoes grew quite high this year.
"All right then! I'm waiting for you there!"
He shouted as he was already running out of the garden. I continued with my job. It was quite hard finding the strawberry bushes, but I was relieved when I found them. I started picking up the good ones, putting them in my shirt while holding the hem up so they would fit like in a basket. After a while I was satisfied with the collected amount and went out of the garden in order to find Martien. I left granny's yard and continued to the meadow. The view was as beautiful as always. The sky wore a golden and orange colour with a few clouds on the horizon. I trampled slowly along the dirty pathway that led to the lake. A warm wind was blowing, playing with the purple wild flowers and red poppies smiling to me as I passed beside them. Everything was as tranquil as it always was at granny's place and I adored it. I now got really close to the lake and looked around to find my brother. When I haven't noticed anyone around, I called:
"Martien! I got the berries!"
I waited for response, looking at the ground and kicking some stones here and there. After I haven't got any response, I yelled once more, but again without a success. I decided to sit down and just wait for him. Maybe he went to granny and is coming back soon. I sat down and ate a few strawberries, and played around with stones. After about 10 minutes, I got bored and took one stone to throw it into the water, but something stopped me.
I saw a straw hat floating on the water a bit further away from the shore. I immediately got up and ran around the lake in order to get as close as I could to the hat. The strawberries spilling out from my shirt in the process. As I was getting nearer, my heart beated faster and faster as I yelled:
"Where are you, for god's sake!"
Now that I was really close to the hat, I stopped in my tracks before the lake. This part was not so shallow. It becomes very deep right after the edge of the shore. The lake was clean and you could see down to the very bottom through its blue shades as through the glass. And that's why I now stood petrified before it, staring beneath the surface. I saw someone floating underwater.
"Martien, no... No, no, no, this is not happening."
I started to convince myself while entering the lake without a second thought. Soon I took out his body and tried to somehow get him to breathe again. I knew it was too late, but I didn't believe it, convincing and talking to myself that he is tired or pretending to be asleep. It was in that moment when I changed. Never to be the same child I was. I looked at him speechless. His face was pale, eyes empty and his hands cold. The smile from his face gone forever.
~ end of nightmare ~
I jumped from the dream accompanied by heavy breathing.
I had it played in my head again, my brother's death haunting me once more. The guilt and feeling of inability filling every part of my body once again. I crouched in the corner of my bed and tried to calm myself down, but the only thing I could do now is cry.
