My 8th Grade Story (Unedited)

Entry 5

Entry 5: March 30th 2022
Oh no. Oh no. I'm a horrible person! Why! Why did I do that?! God, I'm such a bad person. I can't believe I kissed another person! I'm in a relationship. God, why me?
I fall asleep reprimanding myself over and over again. I dream of Jordan and Charles. They just stand in a field, looking at me with nothing but hate. I take a knife that I found on the ground and plunge it into my throat. I fall to the ground as they start laughing. They come closer, and closer as I lay there, bleeding out. Jordan is the closest, and he kicks me. I can only think one sentence. I deserve this. He looks at me with amusement, and hatred.
"You deserve this, you worthless cheater. I don't know why I ever loved you" he spits venomously. He squats beside me, and punches me in the nose.
Charles comes up after Jordan steps away. His eyes flicker an emotion, regret. He regrets this? What? His eyes quickly return to hate. He stands me up, holds me in place, before sticking something in my mouth. I can't speak.
How have I not died yet?
Jordan stands next to Charles, and helps him remove my clothes. I start to struggle, but I'm too weak. They remove their clothes once they're done with mine.
Just as they're about to rape me, I wake up gasping. I'm still at Kayla's, so I will make sure to go home today. It's morning, so I get up, and go sit on the couch.
Reliving the dream, I start trembling. That's when Charles enters the room. He doesn't notice my trembling, as he strides toward me to give me a hug. He lends me his hand to get up, and I take it. Still trembling uncontrollably. He goes to give me a hug, but I flinch. He notices this, and notices my trembling along with it.
"Rose? What's wrong? Are you okay? " He asks, worried. I nod, unable to trust my voice. "Do you need a hug?" He asked. I shook my head, and went to sit down, he sat beside me, and after a few minutes of the movie that was on, I finally gave in and hugged him. I knew what I was doing was wrong, in so many ways, but I just couldn't help it. Sure, I'm going to break up with him soon, but this could've waited until after. I don't wanna be called a cheater. I can't help but feel guilty.