Dear, Arleen

Prologue

Maybe, just maybe my story isn't perfect and maybe it isn't as dramatic and with perfect events like the movies would have.

Maybe my life was to rushed and the ending to my great dramatic life was to quick, like if only two hours had passed, but I now realized that life is supposed to feel that way, that is exactly me the way my life had to end.

And maybe yeah, our encounter was too awkward and I didn't run into his arms on the beach, and he didn't save me from a burning building.

But when was our life's romantic, I guess that for me just him picking me up from the ground was enough to ignite the fire within us.

And. The moment I saw her, laughing as my other daughter that I finally had the privilege to meet screamed at her for stealing condoms, me and Lisa knew how ironic it was, that I met my daughter running with condoms exactly how I met my family.

Those two girls were more me and I was, they were me split in both, and I saw it in Marianas wavy blonde hair and Gabriela's straight neon blue hair, and I saw opportunities, compassion, fire in their eyes.

And yes maybe the story of how I'm alive would never be explain, but sometimes stories are better left unexplained, sometimes you don't need a fancy explanation, all it matters what the outcome of it, and finally after so long I felt at ease and peace.

My hand intertwine with Niall strong hand, his grey suite making him look older and manlier, I felt as if my life was finally complete, because I have my five brothers around me, every one of them with there kids and wife's, and I knew that they had gotten the lives they deserved

And I bit my lip locking eyes with Jose, his arm around Lisa waist that after hurting so long for the same guy, he finally realized that he had left his rightful queen alone, and finally they were both together, and the way he looked at her was a way Jose never looked at me, the way Niall passionately looked at me.

The way I looked at my daughters, with all the love in me. I breathed out grinning as I wiggle my eyebrows at my youngest, Mariana which had taken her fathers sweet compassion, yet my sneaky ways, her hand was wrapped around Giovanni's bicep who looked like he had hit the jackpot.

The doors to the church opened and everyone stood up, and I used this moment to thank god deeply for the hope, for helping me even if at the time I thought he was punishing me.

He knew I could take all this challenges that's why he made me go through them.

She walked in, her dress as big as a Disney princess dress would be, it was all lace, and the tail covering the floor in flowers, her hair was pulled up in a bun.

And I felt so thankful that I was attending my little Gaby's wedding, I saw the way Freddy tear up upon seeing her as he covered his mouth and whisper oh my god next to the priest, and I have to say I don't believe there would ever be a bride as beautiful as Gaby looked right now.

I knew at the moment a lot of people would disagree the way I took my problems, and maybe they will disagree with me letting both Jose and Lisa back in my life, and maybe at a point I was one of them but no I realize how great is forgiving someone for their wrongs.

How better it is to forgive that hold in this anger inside of you, because I was finally able to be with my family with out worrying about private messages, a possessive husband, and a jealous ex bestfriend.

I had understood that maybe everything doesn't go right all the time, and the only person I didn't get to say "I forgive you" was no longer walking on earth, Jake has overdoes in sleeping pills taking him into a long lasting in coma and finally slipping away

And I cried, because after all that men he was the first one I trusted, the one who ran around the school hallways with me and although made me cry he made me laugh more.

I was there with the love of my life, my family and nieces, my best friend was next to me again holding her chubby baby, my childhood friend Lisa was accompanying my life like we used to plan, and even my ex husband took a place in our family.

I watched my daughter say her vows and I smiled looking at Niall

"She's beautiful"

"She takes after you" Niall said kissing her head

"I feel like we should end this day with some poetic words or something" I joked giggling quietly as Niall grin widely tugging a hair behind my ear and planting a kiss on my lip

He looked at me deep in the eyes and nodded "after all this time baby, finally Sweet dreams"

I smiled and nodded.

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Dear Arleen

Yes. Maybe my life was a series of excitement and adventure, and maybe I had a little bit to much fun, but I had understood that maybe life isn't what I believe it was, and that maybe the strongest thing isn't yourself, something the strongest thing in life is the hope you carry around with you.

I spend my life blaming everybody for my shitty decisions and life, in reality it was my fault, I spend time scream at God for doing what he was doing , but now I understand that I choose to take that path, it was all on me.

Wether you are twelve or sixteen. Be careful, the decisions you make Ina. Crazy night with friends may end up the destruction of your life further on.

And say everything you want to say to yourself, it took me long but I know now that I want to say to the isolated sad blue head that lived around her own aufferment.

You are great, and maybe you are not perfect, and you may have been called a sex tot and abused multiple times, but you are damn gorgeous, from toe to head, and one day in life you would be able to change lives Including yours.

Honey, Arleen anyone who would ever meet you can't help but become a poet.

I'm sorry I didn't let you know that when I court.

From: Arleen Louise Horan Payne

To: Arleen Payne

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Author note:

I'm sorry if it was unexpected and if it was too rushed but not every ending is supposed to be important.

I am writing a new book Love, Lidewij.

Check it out.

Thank you so much for walking this path with me, forever and ever.

All the love xx