Dear jess,
I've been thinking alot lately... I might kill myself. I'm not sure how yet. And I'm not sure when. But one day, I know I will end up doing it, because I can't live like this. It will become too much. I'd rather do it while I'm still sane. And I don't think I'll be that much longer.
I've been seeing things. Sometimes I walk in the living room and see you sitting on your favorite spot on the couch watching your favorite show. And other times I look up from my food only to see you sitting right across from me.
I'm not sure if I can take this much longer. I don't want to end up like one of those people in scary movies that are rocking back and forth in a dark corner growling occasionally. I need you in my life. You were the person I would go to when I was sad, mad, happy, or any other emotion. Now I have no one but myself, food, and the furniture that I think sometimes speaks to me.
Everyone in my life left me. My family despises me from something I did years ago, my friends hate me because I won't "hang out" with them, and you. You left. You didn't do it on purpose, but you left me. And you were the one that would comfort me when I missed my family. You we the one that would yell at me to get up in the morning. You were the one that reminded me to eat. You were the one that would tell me when I've had enough to drink.
Now I cry about you and my family. I sleep in too late. I barely eat. And I drink to much, so much that I might be considered an alcoholic.
Ever since you got in that car crash with that other drunk dick face, I somehow feel guilty. Like I was that drunk dick face. But really I was just sitting at home watching reruns of drake and josh. I wish I could have done something other than sit on my lazy ass. I want to go back in time, but I think we both no that's impossible, because of it was possible you would have done it already. Because I know you wouldn't want me to be living like this. You always care so much about others. I used to get really annoyed with that. But now all I want is for you to be sitting next to me telling me how dumb it is that people drink and drive. And how they are bound to kill someone. Like the one that killed you.
I remember the last words I said to you, "see you when you get home, love you, bye," that was about 10 minutes before you got in th at car crash. I didn't get to see you when you got home. Your death was so unexpected and I think that's what hurt me the most. I wasn't at all ready. Before I got that phone call that you had passed. I was literally sitting on the couch laughing about something funny on drake and josh. And then that smile disappeared in less than a second when I got the news.
I actually think that was the last time I smiled. Almost 4 years ago. Wow. I haven't smiled for that long. I think I might have broken the world record. Oh, maybe I could win twice. One for not smikeing. And one for being the most depressed person in the world.
I thought writing you would help me like it always does. But really, I don't feel the least bit effected. My entire body is practically numb. The only emotion is sad.
The people are starting to look at me funny. They finally gained the courage to come and try to comfort me. But when the looked at the date that you died. They thought I was crazy. They are just like everyone else before they stopped talking to me. They think I should move on. But I wont. I cant. I love you too much .
-harry
A.n
Well harrys going crazy. Poor harry.
I bet the furniture insults him lol. Well anyway, I made another book called adoration it's a michael one and there is already 2 chapters. 3 if you count the prologue but that's really short. Okay that's all byeee ♡♡♡
