Ur Bestfriend

Chapter 1

Kehlani's POV

     I fucked up, I knew it the moment it happened. Yet the feeling was so intoxicating, being with someone who understands me. Having those random meaningful conversations at night and talking each other heads off till one of us has fallen asleep. It's been so long since I could actually be myself without the fear of being judged. And I loved it. But then the moment was over, and the guilt flooded my mind when I came back to our home. Using our bathroom, sleeping in our bed, next to him.

Him wrapping his arm around my waist, knowing that's where her hands and lips had been only moments before. Looking him in his eyes as I had to muster up a lie as to why I'm always out during random times of the night. Always having that unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach everytime I'm with them.

The man that I'm supposed to love being absolutely clueless to what's going on between his girlfriend and his best friend. Being the people he trusts the most, going behind his back and doing the unspeakable. Thinking it would only be a one time thing, but slowly I started to realize that she became my comfort. Something me and him never had. 

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I stood outside our house, staring at the door. Just getting back from her house for the umpth time this week. I sighed knowing it's getting more difficult to come back to our home after what I've done. And yet I keep doing it.

Opening the door and locking it behind me as quietly as possible. Knowing he's sleeping I go into the kitchen and set my things down on the counter. Looking into the fridge I pulled out the open bottle of wine, not bothering to get a glass, I drank from the bottle. I leaned onto the counter with my forearms, resting my head into my hands. All the events from tonight rushed back. We didn't do anything tonight, seeing as I was not in the mood for anything more, we talked. That came off as a shock to me since we've almost never had a non sexual encounter, her actually listening and caring about what I had to say only made me want to be with her more.

Checking the time, seeing as it was already late, I put the bottle back in the fridge knowing I will come back to it another night. I walked into our room, him already asleep. I walk into the bathroom to take a shower. Washing off all the contents from tonight, anything that could lead back to her was scrubbed off and washed down the drain.

After my shower, I finished my nightly routine and put on a loosely fitting t-shirt and shorts. I hesitated as I put my hand on the doorknob leading to our bedroom. The part I hated about nights like this. But still, I open the door and make my way to my side of the bed and lay down.

Hearing him groan as he slowly started to wake up. "Where were you?" he said as he pulled me closer, pushing his face in the crook of my neck. "I met up with a friend. Remember I told you about it earlier?" My voice was wavering with every word I spoke.

"Oh, did you have fun?" He mumbled as he made himself more comfortable. I nodded my head and made a sound in agreement. Leaving it at that he went back to sleep, but not before saying a quick "I love you." My breathing hitched at the words. I moved my hand to cover my mouth, feeling the pain build up in my chest as I thought about what I've done. Tears slowly fell down my cheeks as I started to silently cry. He loves me and I couldn't say it back. After all we've been through, I couldn't say those three words. Even if I did somehow manage to say it back, I'm not so sure I would still mean it.

As I tried to collect my thoughts my phone lit up. I moved over to look at the message, it was her. "I had a good time tonight.." The message read. I sighed and deleted the notification and turned my phone off, not bothering to respond. I shouldn't be thinking about this right now, especially with him next to me. But I couldn't help how thoughts of her flooded my mind. I wish things were different. If I handled things differently 4 months ago maybe there would've been no secrets and no hiding.