Never Meant To Be

The Kiss

*

Look at me," he says gently.

I shake my head, feeling the tears brimming in my eyes. We were standing too close, and he was asking me to look at him. I couldn't do that, because if I did, he would know immediately what I felt.

"Look at me," he says again, more firmly.

I shake my head more violently, the tears leaking out of my eyes.

I'm still looking down at the ground. "Please..." I whisper breathlessly, the tears choking my voice.

His demeanor softens, and he's gentle again. He places a finger underneath my chin, and I gulp. We're still too close. This wasn't mean to mean anything, but it feels too real.

He brings my chin up to look at him, and I let out a whimper. I didn't want him to see my eyes, but that's what he does. I've been told that I'm good at keeping secrets - but he could read me like a book, just with one look into my eyes. And it was scary, because I knew what he would find. I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

When my eyes meet his, I don't care how cliché it is. I don't care about how cheesy it is or how similar to a rom-com it seems. Maybe that's what I want - and that might be exactly what I'm getting.

As I look into his eyes, I feel my entire resolve crumbling. I know he can see it - he can see what it all really means. I try to pull myself together, remember that anyone could walk in at any moment, remember that this was never meant to be real in the first place. But somehow it is. There are no cameras here, no judgement, no people to yell at us or distract us from the moment. It is real, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that it wasn't.

And so I do something stupid. Something very stupid, that will most likely just cause drama and regret. But sometimes you do stupid things - especially when strong feelings are involved.

So I lean up and I kiss him.

I don't know how it happened, but somehow I'm kissing my best friend. Three years after the first time our eyes met. Three years after the first time I felt that special spark when we hugged. Three years since I noticed the way he looked at me. But only three seconds since I accepted it.

I don't know why he kisses me back. He shouldn't, and I really shouldn't stay. I should pull away, I know I should. Then maybe we can pretend this never happened, and drift even more apart than we already have. I shouldn't keep kissing him - but I do.

Because it feels too good to stop. It's slow, and sweet, and deliberate, and much longer than any kiss I have ever had before. It's filled with longing and years of waiting for this one moment - filled with tension and desperation. I don't know why I'm enjoying this, when I really shouldn't because it's wrong. But all I can think about is his arms around my waist, mine around his neck, the smell of his hoodie and his coconut shampoo. The way this feels so real and yet so much like I'm dreaming. I've never felt this way before, and that's even more scary, because I know that the closest I've ever gotten to this feeling is with him - who is now pushed against the bathroom wall.

We're still kissing, and I don't know why. I have my eyes closed, and I think he does too, because I'm scared that if I open them my whole world will come crashing down. And maybe that's a good thing, because this feeling is too much to bear. It's like I'm exploding and drowning at the same time - I can't feel anything at all except for his lips on mine and I think all the blood must have rushed to my ears because I can't hear a single thing. And maybe my mind deeply registers that at one point, one of us has deepened the kiss, and I don't even know who it was. It's my first time kissing anyone with tongue, and I know for a fact that it's his first time too. And I'm not going to lie and say that we were both great at it, but I don't notice anything because I'm blinded by this addicting feeling. I know that I want more, and I know that I never want it to stop.

But the thing with special moments is that at one point, they have to end. These instances where your feelings are so strong you can't think about anything else, can't last forever. And humans do eventually need to breathe - slowly, gasping for breath, we both pull apart. Our faces are only three inches apart, and his lips hover so close to mine that it would be so easy to just kiss them again. I still have my eyes closed, but as I pull away from him I open them. I take in his disheveled appearance - messy hair (how did that happen?), flushed face, crumpled hoodie. As I meet his eyes, I realise what we've just done. Without a single word, I run out of the bathroom, leaving him standing there.

But somehow, even though I'm running away from it, I don't regret it.

*

Note: I am trying to not make the kisses too detailed as they are both minors! However, I did need to add at least a few details rather than just "they kissed". I am doing my best to be respectful to them both and while there will be some things that are perhaps a tad inappropriate, nothing illegal will happen! That said, if you are under twelve years old, I would suggest not reading this story.

Love you! <3