Because of You

Chapter 11: The Summer Sun

It's the end of June. Summer is already halfway over, and it's flying by. But it's been amazing. More than that, it has been absolutely perfect. I've never experienced a summer like this before. I've never been truly in love, and there's just something so special about being in love during the summer. The sun shines brighter, the birds sing more beautifully, and the flowers burst with more color. Everything is more perfect.

I see Hayden almost every single day, and every time we are together, I just fall more and more in love with him. I don't understand it. How can I love him more now than when I did on our first date? I still get over the moon excited to see him, and I even still get butterflies. I love that he can do that to me. I love that he sets my soul on fire. I don't think I will ever get used to him.

Our days are full of so much joy and goodness. Ice cream dates, dog parks, swimming at the local pool, movie dates, roller skating, and hanging out with Haley and Marcus. A pure romantic movie montage. Even when we're not doing anything exciting, just being with him lifts me up in a way that nothing else can. Just his presence, like on the first day we met, electrifies my soul.

Some days, I forget that it's all real. Some days I worry that I'm going to wake up to find that this is all just a dream. I know it sounds silly to genuinely fear that, but I do. I just still can't wrap my mind around how this all happened. Just a few months ago I was crying myself to sleep, wishing and praying he would speak to me. I was hoping that I could find the bravery to just say hi to him in class. I was doing everything I could to walk past him in the hallways, just to get a mere glimpse of him. And now, he's all mine. All of him. And I'm all his. He's mine to kiss, to hold, to laugh with. More than that, he's mine to love. And I know it's going to stay that way. Forever.

**

Mom has been weird. Some days she is totally normal and fine, but others, she's totally crabby. She's basically a rollercoaster. One day she's up, and the next day she's down. I don't get it. She's never been like this in my life. And I'm honestly just so tired of her crazy mood swings. I never did anything to upset her, and neither did Hayden. She was so excited for this relationship when it started! Where did that go?

We even hang out with her at our house so that she feels included, but she hardly talks to us. Even worse, she barely talks to Hayden. He would never admit it to me, but I know he feels so incredibly uncomfortable being around her. That's the one thing that has been consistent about her - a lack of interest in Hayden. And quite frankly, it pisses me off. She never asks about him. And she hardly ever asks about us as a couple. Even though we have been dating for about three months now, sometimes she acts like our relationship doesn't exist. But of course, she doesn't say anything. Not once has she talked to me about what's going on, or her feelings about our relationship. And because of that, I don't bring it up either.

I started the summer letting all of her weirdness really bother me. I love my mom and our relationship is so important to me, so naturally I worry. But one day, I woke up and finally decided that it's a total waste of time to stress about her strange moods. She won't even talk to me about what her problem is, so why should I spend my time stressing when she can't even have a conversation with me? I need to focus on enjoying time with Hayden and having as much fun as possible before the school year starts back up again. I'm not going to let anything or anyone else take energy and focus away from that. He's my priority.

**

On a positive note, my audition for the summer musical went insanely well! I totally nailed it and landed a part as a lead dancer! I dance in almost every scene of the show. It's exhausting, but I am having a blast. Rehearsals started the week after I landed the role, and they've been pretty intense. We have rehearsal every day from eight o'clock to one o'clock. Starting in July, we'll have three performances every single weekend. It's a lot, but truthfully, I'm thriving. I'm totally thrilled about my lead dance role and I'm loving rehearsals! I can feel myself getting better and better by the minute, and the confidence I have in myself getting into a great collegiate dance program just continues to grow.