The Beauty of Winter

Prologue

There are times in your life when you realize that no matter what you do for some people it will never be good enough.

I've been labeled as rebellious, mistaken, and black sheep. Because I refuse to be the same as everyone else. My siblings were clear about what they wanted to do with their lives. While me? I don't even have a dream for myself. I don't even know what's my value in this chaotic world.

What are the things that I'm good at? It's definitely to make my parents mad, to make them disappointed, to make them regret that I am their daughter.

"Win! Dito!"

I let out a scornful laugh when I saw them at the back of the university gymnasium. I brush my bangs that was longer than before using my fingers. I guess I have to cut it again.

"Kala ko di kana susunod dito," Resha said.

Kit had thrown a pack of cigarettes at me, which I quickly caught up with. As a gesture of gratitude, I nodded at him. When I approached him, he immediately wrapped his arm around me.

"Pwede ba 'yon? Ayokong makatulog sa boring na klase ni Florente, kala ko talaga nanghehele siya ng bata sa sobrang hina ng boses niya," I said before I place a piece of cigarette inside my mouth.

Sinindihan naman iyon ni Dustin na siyang may hawak ng lighter bago bumalik sa tabi ni Roxana at nagnakaw ng halik. Umirap naman ako sakanila at nagsimula ng humithit sa sigarilyo ko.

"Ba't ka pa kasi pumasok sa klase? Pwede ka namang magcutting like us, right? Nagbabagong buhay naba?"

I looked at Dianne as if she were the stupidest person on the planet. "May nagbabagong buhay ba na tinakasan ang klase niya? Utak friend gamit-gamitin mo rin, mukhang kinakalawang na dahil hindi mo ginagamit."

Instead of getting offended, tumawa lang siya na parang tanga. Yeah right, paano nga ba kami maooffend sa gano'ng salita kung sa parents pa lang namin ay sanay na sanay na kami. Paano ba naman, lahat kami ay puro patapon na at wala na talagang pag-asa. Ang sabi nga nila, birds with the same feathers, flock together. Kaya nagsama-sama kaming mga walang pangarap sa buhay.

"Ang sabihin mo sabog ka lang dahil nakahithit kana naman ng tawas." Natawa naman kaming lahat sa sinabi ni Dustin.

It's not literally tawas, 'yung kamukha talaga ng tawas. All of them tried to use it and they become addicted to it. While me... I didn't tried it. I only drink alcohols, I smoke, I gamble and I tried weeds. Just once and I didn't did it again.

At noong ginamit ko 'yon, my grandmother almost had a heart attack when she caught me in the act kaya naman kinuha na ako ng magaling kong magulang mula sakanila.

Is there a reason why I am acting like this? Rebelling to my parents? My answer will be maybe. Sometimes I'm rebelling because I want to get their attention. Tutal nababaling lang naman ang atensyon nila sakin everytime I did something wrong.

Attention seeker? Maybe I am. But sometimes I only did this because that is the only thing that makes me feel alive. My rebellion is the only thing that I can do perfectly.

Natigil naman ako sa pag-iisip nang hinila ako ni Resha papunta sa tabi niya at inakbayan ako. Nabaling naman ang tingin ko kay Kit na humihithit narin ng yosi.

"Balita ko may tinulungan ka raw kahapon?" mapaglarong sabi nito habang tinataas-baba ang kilay.

My brows furrowed at her and I was about to talk when Dianne interrupted. "What? Did I heard it right? Our Winter just helped someone? End of the world na ba? Oh no! I'm still a virgin, wag muna please!" tili nito at umakto na parang may lindol.