Unfailing Love - Completed

Unfailing Love – Rit Kaan

"In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling.”

Exodus 15:13 NIV 1984

Prologue

After she had left, a part of me went with her. I tried to open my mouth to call out to her. To even speak her name, the thought of it, broke my heart to pieces like shattered glasses. Why? What did I do that was so unspeakably wrong that she just decided to leave me? I couldn’t work it out. My mind went through several big whirlwinds of different reasons as to why my life has come to this crossroad. My head was aching from my over thinking, going over and over the last few days before hand. My mouth tasted dry, bitter and salty but frozen at the same time. Why?

I cried because I was angry with her. I cried because I didn’t know how to explain it to myself the real reason as to why she had to leave me. I cried because it felt like the four walls were starting to stifle my very being even though I knew full well it wasn’t. I cried because I knew was lost without her. I cried because I wanted everything to be back to normal again. I cried because I can never reclaim back everything that made me who I am….or should I rather say who I was.

I cried for the heart break that has never stopped aching since she’d left. I cried rivers of tears because it was not meant to happen this way. I cried for the lost of the opportunity of saying how sorry I am when I had the chance. I cried for the lost of my best friend who I never had a chance to tell her how much I loved her. I cried for my lost all because my pride as a man got bigger than my head, and my grief has been so much harder to bear because I had to loose the most important person in my life before I was able to see more clearly what was more important in my life.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!!!

Hang, the heck on! I am a man. A grown up man! What’s this crying over a woman mumbo jumbo? who would have thought that ABOUT ME? Bloody hell, I must be getting a bit soft in my old age.

All this was not real, it may be just a very bad dream that I am having. I mean how this can be, it was just all wrong. May be I am actually in a drama play that I just don’t know about or the family had been playing one of their practical jokes again, like putting me in the Big Brother show or something.

Who am I kidding?

I stuffed up a lot but that was the story of my life. What a joke my so call friends were! What a joke I was to them…I just never saw it. My mum did and she would say things like, “just because you are in the crowd it doesn’t mean you have to be part of the crowd.”

“Mum, there are just things in life, that parents could never understand or would ever understand,” I would try to explain to my ever so sweet but ever so annoying mother.

She would tutter under her breath, shaking her head at me. “That’s because you have never tried us!” my mum would exclaimed.

“Mum, I love you to bit but can we please drop it?” I would urge her.

“Ok, but only because I love you and want you to be happy,” my mum would waver with a smile.

“Mum, you are as loveable as you are annoying with all your questionings!!”

“Ok, ok. I get it, what’s a mother got to go and do to have some sort of conversation with her son?”

“Mum! One day I’ll tell you all the gory details but just not now. Not today.” Then the conversation was dropped as much as it was to my mother’s unsatisfactory curiosity and endless questionings. In my heart, I knew it was another disappointment I would later on have to rectify with my mum. Not today, not yet.