I Hate Your Guts. Kiss Me - Katya X Reader

Chapter One

You just couldn’t fathom it. What did everyone see in this annoying creature? He was over exuberant, unrefined, and worst of all, everybody loved him.

You had understood Katya’s ’lovable charm’ at first, but that was before you spent weeks competing with the bitch during the insanity of All Stars 7: Miss Congeniality. In season 15, you’d won Miss congeniality by a landslide. And despite the fact that it had not been your top priority, it was nice to know you maintained your kindness, patience and generally supportive nature through the fucking tiger pit Rupaul called the Werk Room. Production hadn’t managed to crack you that season, and for that, you were proud. So, when you were offered a place in an entirely Miss Congeniality season, you jumped at the chance. The challenges were hard, but navigating the other girls was harder. And considering you were both dubbed the ‘loveable weirdo’, production made sure to pit you and Katya against each other.

Neither of you ended up winning, but both you and Katya did, in fact, place as the second and third runners up. As usual, there was much talk about being robbed, or whether it was you or Katya as the true runner up - it was you, but considering your congenial reputation you kept it on the down low. Trixie, who you knew distantly before the Congeniality season, as most Ru girls do, had invited you onto his YouTube channel to film a podcast episode after the finale aired.

Seated beside Trixie on a pink couch, Katya was perched opposite of you, glaringly. You were avoiding eye contact, but were polite enough to avoid ending up like a certain masked lip syncer. “Alright, bitches. We are back back back again. Welcome to the pod!” Trixie began. “Today we are joined by probably the weirdest, ooky kooky drag queen on the scene – and for once we’re not talking about Katya. It’s the other Miss Congenial season runner up, [D/N]!”

You shared an awkward jazz hands wave with the camera before making a deadpan face, making Trixie chuckle. “Yes, hi, hello, Trixie has, in fact, kidnapped me and sequestered me to this awful pink hell. Send help.” This made your friend laugh, but Katya barely smiled, simply opting to look down at his lap. Ignoring it, you set your focus on Trixie.

Leaning back into the couch, Trixie looked at you carefully. “So, tell me, what is it that made you want to do drag?”

Pursing your lips, you thought a moment before your attention was snatched by Katya speaking. “Was it the allure of money, fame, power?” he asked dramatically, knowing that would get under your skin a little. Others in the congenial season had accused you of simply going into drag as an AFAB, cis queen for the attention and you’d had to battle to prove your love for the art. It made for a very interesting season though. He finished his sentence with a smile, which told you he was covering his shadiness. He was always good at that and it made you wanna eat your own wig.

Not breaking, you shook your head. “No, no. I mean, no drag queen actually makes any money at the start unless they’re turning tricks. And that’s if they’re good at turning tricks and don’t get paid with their own money." You caught Katya’s eye briefly, his fall in expression telling you that you’d hit him just like he hit you. “But you know, been there done that. No female drag queen can get a job without a little under the table action, right? Look at Michelle Visage, she wasn’t in season 1 and 2 because she was under the table sucking Rupaul’s dick!” you continued quickly, making a broader joke now to soothe the situation as fast as possible.

Trixie, at least, laughed - cackled in fact - which you were glad for. “So if not for fame and fortune, what did you get into drag for? We know plenty of bio queens nowadays, like Crème Fatale, Victoria Scone. What did you want to bring to the scene?”

“Spooks, I guess. A little weirdness. But like, a refined weirdness. Elvira, growing up, was my shit. She made me comfortable in my femininity, showed me the power of one’s own sexuality. But she was still funny, light and campy and I loved that. The same goes for any classic horror icon – Elvira, Morticia, Vampira, Lily Munster. I lived for their shit.”

“You do have a little of an Elvira look, at least partially. The judges read you for it a few times, no?” Katya asked, to which you nodded. His expression remained cool, even. There was not a hint of humour in it, but no genuine interest either.

Nodding back, you shrugged a shoulder. “They sure did. But I took that critique and I switched up. I never understood the girls who go away and bitch about the judges, they’re there to help us – generally.”

The podcast continued and you had a good time. Well, you had a good time with Trixie, that is. Katya stayed low energy, an air of dismissiveness and disinterest despite him engaging in small, bitchy conversation. At the end of it, you offered a stiff goodbye as he exited, Trixie walking him out. Slouching back into Trixie’s couch, you propped your chin on an upturned fist. “What’s his problem, anyway?” you asked quietly, quirking an eyebrow to the queen.

Walking back to you, red bull in an outstretched hand, Trixie shrugged dismissively. “It’s pretty hot in here, girl. That bitch cannot function if she even assumes the humidity is off. ”

“No, it’s not just that. You don’t get it, Trixie. Even when we were filming, he was weirdly bitchy. I find him annoying most of the time, but he just became an asshole. I’ll stop talking shit when he stops acting so fucking cold.”

Offering a sympathetic look, he shook his head. “Don’t read too much into it. He's crazy at the best of times and y’all were in hell together. He’s cool, I promise."

“You’re cool,” you retaliated. “He’s a stuck-up bitch. I think hes just bitter that I stole his stupid loveable weirdo schtick. Sorry about it.”

With a laugh, Trixie threw the rest of his red bull back. “Brian has her moments - we all do in this industry - but you two used to get along, right?”

Taking a swig, you nodded once. “Key word, ‘used to’. He hates me, fine. But why you gotta be a shady bitch about it, ya know?”

This time Trixie gave you a stern look. “That bitch is many things, [Y/N], but he is not shady, come on.”

“Whatever,” you muttered to the ground. Trixie gave you a peculiar expression, one you couldn’t quite read, you threw your hands up in defeat. “What?”

“You're the shady bitch!” he screamed teasingly, earning a small huff of defeated laughter from you. Trixie finally sighed. “You guys have a lot in common, I really think you’d get along, if you gave each other half a chance.”

Sighing now, you toyed with the tab on the can. Sure, Katya was annoying, but clearly it mattered to Trixie that you at least tried to not murder- um - get along with him. Hefting a sigh, you decided on a joke to bring back up the mood. “Fine, for your cry-baby ass, I will try and be nice. I am still the reigning Miss Congeniality after all,” you primmed with a dramatic flourish of both hands. You seemed to have soothed Trixie enough for now. Whether you could stay true to your word now, was another matter entirely.