This is important for all my followers to read, but ESPECIALLY my friends.
First, if I ever seem like I think you don't talk to me enough, or ask you why you never respond, it doesn't mean I think you don't have anything else going on in your life. In the past, I've had several "friends" that never responded to me and then one day just altogether left me. So it's not that I'm mad or upset, it's that I'm scared to lose you.
Second, if we ever fight and I go offline or stop responding in the middle of it, it's not me being an asshole or something. I'm actually trying REALLY hard to control myself when I'm upset, which is insanely difficult. Me disappearing is my way of attempting to calm myself down before things get completely ruined like they have in the past. I'm trying to be a better person, so please don't do something like yell at me if I stop responding.
Third, if you ever think that I don't listen when I'm upset, you'd be right. When I'm upset, I DON'T LISTEN. But once I calm down, I go back and reread everything. Everything anyone has ever said to me is permanently stored in the back of my brain, although sometimes it's hard to find stuff in there.
Fourth, I try my best to always tell the truth. If I lie to you, it's almost always either on accident or to protect you. Yes, sometimes it's because I don't want to admit the truth, but I'm working on that.
Last, I'm sorry if I ever seem like I'm attention seeking. Yeah, sometimes I am. But people online are the only people in my life who give me any form of positive attention. And yeah, maybe I'm a little addicted to the attention. But before 2019, I didn't EVER get positive attention. Even then, until 2021, it was still barely anything. But in 2021, when I got online for the first time in my life, suddenly I was overwhelmed with all the positive attention. People were always there, constantly responding to me, real friends, talking me out of the bad things I'd always had to talk myself out of. Because of the insane amount of attention I got when I first came online, I became addicted to it. Attention was everywhere, and I loved it. When the attention died down, when most of my friends disappeared, when my followers weren't ever online anymore, I suddenly got desperate. Sure, I was still getting a LOT more attention than I ever had before I came online, but it suddenly felt like nothing. When I became desperate, I became extra clingy. I'd get upset when people wouldn't respond, I'd get angry when people didn't notice me go offline, and sometimes I'd disappear for a huge amount of time just to scare people.
The point is, I've done a lot of bad things and a fair share of bad things have happened to me. But I'm trying. So please, be patient with me. Help me work through my problems, don't abandon me when I need a friend.
