Tell Me, Again

Our relatives have their eyes on our family, especially since my brother is always present in every beauty pageant. I almost felt like a burden. My family was just perfect but I am not.

Ang sabi nila ang ganda raw ng katawan ko. I got the bust and butt size ladies in my class envy for. Except for my face.

This year is my last year in senior highschool. Akala ko nga dahil dito hindi na ako magkakaboyfriend.

Not until Sir Dylan came.

A fresh graduate and our new physics teacher for our last semester. Just two weeks after getting to know each other, we got ourselves into a relationship. Bawal pero ika nga nila masarap ang bawal.

April came.

It's just an ordinary day—well, not in my class.

Someone sent flowers to my seatmate with a disgusting smell. May nakaipit pang note na ang nakasulat ay, "April fools."

Almost everyone was doing a harmless prank kaya wala lang sa'kin ang nangyayari. When did I even pique my interest in some matters aside from my own?

"Lilith."

Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kaklase kong biglang lumapit sa'kin.

"Ang ganda mo."

Alam ko naman na ang kasunod ng sasabihin niya pero sinubukan ko pa ring magsalita.

"Tell me, again."

Bigla siyang tumawa at sinapak ang lalaking katabi niya. "Gago hindi ko kayang magsinungaling."

Being ridiculed had always been a part of my senior life pero ngayon na nandito na si Sir Dylan I was hoping to be saved again from this ridiculousness. He saved me once he'll do it again.

Some of my classmates' phones started beeping as if everybody receives a notification at the same time. Napatingin din ako sa sarili kong phone na nag vibrate.

Sex Scandal of a student and a teacher of Surin University.

Pabalik-balik ang tingin ng mga kaklase ko mula sa cellphone nila at sa akin. As if assuring themselves they saw it right.

"Naks Lilith ang ganda pala talaga ng katawan mo!" The boys whistled. "I mean maganda naman talaga but seeing it raw. Wow. Huwag nga lang tumingin sa mukha." The boys laughed hesterically.

The murmurs, the laughter, the disgust. Tama na.

Tumakbo ako papalabas ng classroom. I went into the comfort room and cried.

Ilang oras akong napatambay sa cr at pilit na pinapatahan ang sarili. The video...it was me.

"Gusto mo ba talagang masibak sa trabaho mo Dylan?" Narinig ko ang boses ni Enzo—or should I say Sir Enzo, another fresh grad teaching in our class.

"Kaya hindi active ang sex life natin Enzo eh." My heart tugged hearing the arrogant tone on Sir Dylan's statement. Sinundan pa niya ito ng tawa na para bang may ginawa siyang kasiya-siya. "I sent the sex video to the graduating class. Funny isn't it? April fools pa naman."

Para akong naputulan ng dila nang marinig ko ang sinabi niya. He was different before. I wanted to scream. He always made me feel wanted. Even if that means being in bed with him. Today's different.

Lumabas ako at hinarap ang dalawang lalaki na nasa baba ng hagdan, malapit sa banyo kung saan ako galing.

I wanted to scream at him. Gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya na nasasaktan ako but Sir Dylan smirked at me as if he saw the expression he expected from me.

"Y—you." Nanginginig ang boses kong lumapit at tumingin sa kaniya. "You love me right?"

"Nagpapatawa ka ba?"

"Tell me, again."

Biglang may kamay na humawak sa braso ko at pilit na ipinalalayo sa kaniya. It was Sir Enzo, "Lilith just go."

"Tell you what?" He laughed mockingly. "Mahal kita? April fools by the way."

Isang suntok ang tumama sa pisngi ni Sir Dylan.

"You'll regret this," usal ni Sir Enzo bago ako hinatid sa faculty office.

I was suggested to go home and rest. Bukas na raw pag-uusapan tungkol sa issue. May bukas pa ba sa'kin kung wala na akong mukhang maihaharap kanino man? Not that I always had the face to show off before.

I was holding my chest firmly while sitting alone in my bed. Pakiramdam ko sumasakit ito sa bawat hikbi ko, bawat pag-alala ng nangyari sa buhay ko. Naipon na. Puno na ako. This is my last straw.

With my blurry eyesight, I still see the rope dangling on the corner's ceiling. When was the last time I was thinking to do it?

Isa-isa kong pinunit ang mga litrato namin na nasa photobook ko at hinayaan ito sa desk.

I already had handwritten letters prepared as I attempted this act before. 

I wrote a letter for the last time. Tears dropping, heart aching.

Dear Sir Dylan,

           I love you.

           Maybe you're bored and found me naive but I love you. Akala ko ililigtas mo na ako. Akala ko matutulungan mo ako. Pagod na ako Dylan. Akala ko iba ka. Akala ko ikaw ang kaligtasan ko.

           Akala ko lang pala. May my death bring you the satisfaction you expected from me.