Connivance of Silence: First Impressions

Chapter 3

Despite himself, Snape ended up turning up for Lily's self-declared Potions lesson. It worried him a little that he did, because it wasn't a logical choice... but he was curious. And when you were as sharp as Severus Snape, there weren't many things to be curious about. Most people he could read like a crystal ball, so the fact that he couldn't do that with Lily intrigued him.

Lily was apparently serious about wanting to learn. She had brought along a pile of books, and even procured permission to use the lab equipment; Sev could only assume she'd gone straight to Dumbledore to ask, since she wouldn't have stood a chance in hell with Fennel.

"All I need," she explained, "is someone to help me. I'm not stupid. You know I'm not stupid." Perhaps wisely, she left no room for Sev to insert a snide comment there. "I could master this, if Fennel could get down off his damn high horse and go over things with me."

"What makes you think I'll be any better?" Snape asked, eyebrows raised.

"Because you're not as bloody-minded as he is. If it's not working, you'll find a better way. And I think you can teach me."

And, almost to his surprise, Sev found she was right. He had never imagined himself as a teacher, would have thought it ridiculous - how could he teach when he found it impossible to comprehend someone might find it difficult to learn?

Instead, he discovered that his uncanny sense for people extended to knowing how to explain things to them. Lily was very bright, but she seemed to have some kind of block about physically preparing a potion. Sev had to use all of his ingenuity to find a way around that block, find new ways of breaking things down and explaining them.

For the first time, he was actually doing something challenging. If learning was easy, helping others to learn was much harder. And, to his shock, he actually enjoyed it. Lily's hard won achievements gave him a better kick than any of his own easy victories.

And, as they ducked for cover under a table from an exploding batch of Swelling Solution, he found a strange and almost terrifyingly novel thought echoing through his mind.

A teacher. I want to be a teacher.

Having a mission in life was new to him. Slytherin might be the home of the ambitious, but Snape had never had any desires beyond learning, and continuing to learn. But now he had discovered an even greater hunger - the need to teach.

Of course, hanging out in house Slytherin didn't give him a great deal of opportunity to do so. Trying to hammer anything into the head of Colin Crabbe was a lost cause, and all slimeballs like Malfoy and Avery wanted to learn were ever-more nasty curses.

Perhaps that was why, when an extremely frustrated Lily ambushed him in a corridor and demanded assistance, he forgot all common sense and agreed to give her another tutoring session.

They met in secret late one evening, something which Sev found in a twisted way hilarious. Here they were, two young students, sneaking out of their dorms late at night, avoiding their teachers, dodging the caretaker... in order to study.

"You realise if anyone notices we've both snuck out, they'll think we're having a secret affair?" Lily remarked to him as they met up in a corridor. Snape snorted. "That's funny?"

"It really is," he nodded.

"Shut up, greaseball."

"Won't your boyfriend get jealous?"

Lily flushed. "James is not my boyfriend!"

"Oh, then how did you know who I was talking about?" She didn't have an answer for that, so she settled for poking him in the ribs with her wand.