The cold silence

Chapter 2

Throughout my life filled with very hard decisions,i have never walked with more uncertain steps. Each time my feet hit the ground i feel a squeeze in my chest. It is guilt,it is worry. I try to communicate with my heart,tell it i can't be a savior to everyone. Make it understand i did everything there was to do. But i didn't do everything did i? I left her in the streets,where her ex fiancé can come right back and catch her. I didn't ask enough questions,i didn't insist enough.

She is not your responsibility,Lucas. You don't even know her. She is just a rude girl that you met a few hours ago. Says one voice inside my head.

Does it matter who she is? She is you,she is your sister,she is your dead lover,she is your friend. She is anybody. She is a person in need of help. And you walked right past her. Says another voice. You made a promise all those years ago. Nobody was going to live through this,remember? Has the fame really changed you this much?

When i enter the house i am met with silence. For a second i feel hope,thinking maybe the little creature is feeling a bit better. But then i see Sally. She looks at me with a sad expression and shakes her head. I sigh as i take off my boots.

"She cried almost the whole day. She didn't touch any of the food. Then she became exhausted and fell asleep." She sums her day up. I stand beside the little girl's crib and look at her face. These are the only times i can see her face look peaceful. Her hair is a curly mess,her cheeks rosy and her hands curled up into fists. Her lips look like she might even be smiling. I cover her up with a blanket, gentle as i try not to wake her up. It is not like the poor girl slept at all last night. Maybe some sleep would make her feel better.

"She didn't eat anything?" I ask as we get out of the room. Sally shakes her head.

"I am sorry. I really tried but i didn't want to force her and upset her even further." She says apologetically.

"It is ok. You did the right thing,don't worry." I say. She doesn't look very satisfied with that. At least i know that she cares.

After she leaves,i am left alone with all my thoughts. There is about an hour left until my sister comes home from school and i have pretty much nothing to do. I walk up and down the big living room thinking about the girl. Andrea. I could find her number and text her to make sure she is ok. There is one little problem though. I don't know her last name. And i don't know how to find out about it without people thinking i am a stalker. There is nothing for me to do except wait until tomorrow and hope i see her alive and well. Fuck,how i hate feeling this useless...

I can't just walk up and down for the next hour or i will start losing my mind. I need a distraction. So,i do what i do best:cook another meal.

"Hey!" Says my sister as she opens the door. "Didn't Sally cook anything?" She asks seeing me in the kitchen.

"Hey! Yeah uh,she did. I just thought maybe i should try cooking something that might look appetizing to Luna." I say. Which isn't entirely a lie. Smiley faced potatoes and flower cookies might be a nice try.

"Oh! That makes sense. Where is she?"

"Sleeping. Try not to wake her up." I say. She nods slipping into her own room quietly.

It is one of those unbearable days when Arda has some other businesses to do and doesn't show up for lunch or dinner. It is when i am left with my sisters,completely lost about what to do. It is not like Arda knows anything about babysitting. But for some reason when he is around i feel like i know what i am doing. He also has his natural way of making things less awkward between my sister and i. He makes conversations light,even though he also has his fair share of family dramas. And whenever he isn't around,time at home seems like it isn't ticking forward at all.

"How do you like it?" I ask as my sister takes a spoon out of Sally special soup. She swallows it,looks at me a bit shyly and i get the point. "I made extra potatoes. You want some?" She nods.

"No one cooks better than you." She says making me chuckle. Well then,i guess i should keep my job as the family cook.

"How was school?" I ask.

"It was alright." Very elaborate. Thanks,Linda.

"Do you regret moving here? You can be honest. You know if you have a problem we can try fixing it."

"Honestly,no. I like it better here. The school i mean. I still haven't gotten used to the house though." She says as she looks around.

"Do you want to change your room perhaps?"

"No." She sighs. "I think i just need time. But please don't think you are doing anything wrong. I was just a bit heated the other day. I was being unreasonable,i am sorry." I frown at her honesty. This is new. I didn't think she would mention the fight ever again let alone apologize.

"What have you done to my sister?" I ask chuckling. I expect her to give me a snarky answer or an eye roll. But i don't expect what she actually says at all.

"I watched the video." With that sentence i feel my heart shatter. 4 simple words,enough to make the safe mindset i built crumble into nothing but dust. "Arda made me watch it." Well,that explains why he isn't around today. Coward created drama and sneaked away. Typical.

"What does that have to do with anything? And what was the point?" I ask her. I can feel the panic rise in me. It is going to swallow me whole if she doesn't answer me for another second.

"Arda got mad at me after he heard us fighting. I was having a hard time understanding why Luna was crying constantly. So he showed me...the video. I am sorry,Lucas. I am glad you got my custody. I just wasn't thinking all that well when i said all those things." She says to me. I can feel the sincerity in her tone. I clear my throat as i gather my thoughts. What would a proper parent say in this situation?

"I am not mad at you,Linda. Sometimes i just forget you are still a kid. I have neglected you for the past few days,i am sorry." I say. I want to go on but she cuts me off.

"Yeah but she needs more attention than me. I can see that now. I am so sorry." She says her voice cracking a bit. "I feel so dumb. I promise i won't do it again." She adds as she shakes her head vigorously,tears building up in her eyes.

"I know you won't. Don't beat yourself up over this ok? No need for those tears. It is done,forgiven." I say gently and she wipes her eyes and nods. "Just promise me you will talk to me about your issues next time. Right away so we can fix it. Not fight after we can't do anything about the issue alright?"

"I promise on everything! I won't do that again!" She says nodding.

"Good. Eat your food now. It is gonna get cold." And with that she smiles,making me feel a bit better about our relationship. Maybe we can make a conversation work without Arda present.