Spark

Is this what a true courtship entailed? My sister and Lord Bridgerton certainly kept their chaperones busy since their betrothal was announced a fortnight ago. Preparations even for a small wedding created a whirlwind of activity but these two kept finding ways to be alone together, both coming out minutes later looking disheveled and sheepish... and bothered.

When I was being courted, none of my suitors ever dared to try to get past Kate's watchful eyes and, despite her efforts to educate me against untoward advances, there was a part of me that hoped to at least inspire some efforts at toward breaching those defenses. Of course, no impropriety at all came forth from Lord Bridgerton during our courtship as his attentions were elsewhere.

I truly did not envy my sister her viscount. He remained handsome and charming as ever but I saw firsthand that he was the perfect match for Kate. He seemed truly himself around her and his true self was exhausting. Being around them felt like an endless game of pall mall. They bickered daily, both convinced that they knew best about any variety of subjects, but neither seemed to tire of sparring. Indeed, it seemed to energize them. I'd not seen Kate this happy in years, probably since before Appa died.

Today's argument was a familiar one. They'd gone for their usual early morning ride at the park and he was admonishing her about jumping hedges. I was inclined to agree with him as her head injury was frighteningly recent in my mind but it never did any good to interject as they rarely heard anyone else when they got into each other's orbit.

She argued that it was but a tall patch of grass rather than an actual hedge and that he was being overprotective. He challenged that it did not signify what the plant-life actually entailed but that what mattered was that the horse had to jump at all.

"You are not to let that happen again," he admonished.

She retorted, "What did I tell you about you and your orders?"

Mama and I looked up and found that they were nowhere to be seen. It was baffling. There were not that many places to disappear to in Lady Danbury's garden yet they managed to find private nooks everywhere. They reappeared soon enough, their apparent repentance belied by the fact that something similar would invariably happen again the next day.

They were better behaved during outings beyond the immediate family circle. We all knew to avoid further scandal but some evidence of their affection worked in our favor. The ton and the queen were ravenous for news of this season's love match and Lady Whistledown delivered Kate and her viscount. The scandal of the bungled nuptials turned into a story about the queen's prescience on seeing Lord Bridgerton and I across each other at the altar and realizing that ours was not the true love match she had hoped for. The queen herself, reported the society papers, cancelled the wedding. She wanted better for her diamond, a prince perhaps.

The romance of the viscount being my sister's gallant rescuer and her being near death for a week did the rest of the repair to our reputations. It was mostly true. After all, there was no way for this Lady Whistledown to know that my sister had been in love with the viscount, and he with her, for weeks if not months before. The author could only repeat what she heard and the queen was very easy to hear when making pronouncements in the middle of a ballroom.

The season's last ball was at Hastings manor. The duke and duchess were gracious hosts and seemed very much in love. Theirs was the quiet kind of love, based on friendship and good humor, that most appealed to me. Perhaps my sister's love would eventually mellow to that but it was difficult to imagine as both she and the viscount had sharp edges that seemed to thrive on challenge.

Lady Violet and Lady Danbury first proposed to keep the two separate during the Hastings ball but people would regularly startle on being caught between them gazing intensely at each other across the room.

"Didi, it is rude to stare."

"Hmm?"

I'd whisper urgently, "You are doing it again! Can you not help it?"

Her glassy eyes refocused on me and she shrugged helplessly, "No."

It soon became obvious that keeping them apart was futile. They seemed to find each other regardless of where they were or who was charged with accompanying them. Finally, the two matrons relented. Both my sister and her viscount seemed more at ease standing side by side. Their breathing patterns changed, seemed to synchronize. He leaned too close far too often and he always seemed to be touching her in some way but they refrained from disappearing off alone anywhere.

Then they waltzed. Eyes locked, they confirmed to onlookers that, not only were they a love match, they were drawn together by a powerful and sometimes charged force. Some of the young ladies around the dance floor blushed as they swept past. It hurt to overhear some of the gossip.

Lord Fife murmured, "Leave it to Bridgerton to not settle for a mere diamond. He wanted something with a little more heat in his marriage bed."

Lord Cho chuckled, "A pleasurable partner indeed."

I continued to the retiring room where Kate later found me.

On seeing my face, she kneeled down and asked, "What is it, Bon? Has something happened? Did someone say something cruel to you?"

She looked back over her shoulder as if ready to harangue any possible culprit for my distress.

I sighed, "It's nothing really. I'm just ready for this strenuous season to be over. I'm ready for some peace and privacy."

Sitting back, she seemed to understand. "Let's return home early. I'm sorry. I should have expected that this was going to be a difficult evening for you."

When I started to protest, she continued, "We've done what we've needed to do to show the ton that we have moved on from the scandal. Anthony and I danced. The queen has publicly given us her blessing. Again. Our families continue to appear amicable and your prospects remain bright. You even secured a proposal from Lord Lumley last week. All will be well."

I was silent on the way home, thinking about Lord Lumley and loveless marriages in general. I rejected his proposal because I wanted more than just an amiable partner. I wanted passion and true love. But how common was the immediate spark that my sister and her viscount felt on their first meeting? Am I setting unrealistic expectations for my own match?

The queen named me the diamond of the season but I'm no mere prize to be won. My match would have to prove to me that he saw me as whole person, full of my own imperfections. The viscount was not the perfect gentleman he presented himself as to me. My sister was not the invulnerable paragon of excellence I once believed her to be. Yet those flaws seemed to be a large part of what drew them together.

Kate told me once that it felt as if the viscount had spun her world off its axis. She had plans in place for our family but meeting him forced her to admit that she had her own desires, ones outside of providing for me and Mama. Perhaps she needed the challenge of loving him to finally stop pretending.

Mama went up to bed early and Kate invited me to sit out in the garden with her a while. We'd both been increasingly aware that moments alone like this would become rarer in the future. She and Lord Bridgerton planned on traveling for six months after they were wed and I hoped to have found my match by then. We'd likely have less time for each other as married women starting our own families. I was already starting to miss her.

"Didi? What if I never find that spark with anyone? What if no one ever looks at me the way Lord Bridgerton looks at you?" I asked.

She contemplated for a few moments before answering, "In the past, I might have automatically reassured you that you will find whatever it is your heart desires. What I have learned in these last few months, however, is that you can't plan for love. It may come along in an entirely different way for you than it did for me."

"But how do I know if it's love or if I'm again confusing it with ambition, some fantasy about the future I want for myself?"

"It is my fault that you felt such pressure in your search for a husband, that you had to somehow be good enough. We don't have to earn love, Bon. I'm proud of how you've grown these last few months. You have truly come into yourself. I do not think you will make the same mistakes as before."

I laughed, "Yes, I'm sure I will make new ones instead."

Kate smiled and took my hand between hers. "Love will find you. It will probably surprise you. It certainly did me."