vent

Vent 3

So I found out from the girl that they admitted having feelings for each other and basically flirting with each other a couple weeks ago. I started crying and he knew he fucked up. He cheated on me and I found out because my cousin is friends with her and told her how I felt, so she called. I'm still trying to get over it but when I see a girls name or here a girl I start to panic and he knows this so he goes over to me and confronts me. I know it's bad to stay with someone who cheats but I can't help it.

   He tells the girls he has a girlfriend and will say oh sorry I was talking to my girlfriend but it feels like he doesn't mean any of it he says his feelings have gotten stronger for me but I don't believe it I want to but I can't trust him and he knows that. Sometimes I kinda wish I broke up with him after it happened but sometimes I don't. I have left his house it's been a month. His mom knows what happened and wants to speak to him but I've told her no it's okay cause I don't want him to get mad at me. My mom even knows she just wants what's best for me but she respects my decision.

   I honestly wish I would've slapped him I know I don't deserve to be with someone who has hurt me but I don't know. It's the fact that I knew and he knew I knew but tried gaslighting me. It's stupid I'm stupid for even thinking he liked me or even loved me I don't know if I'll be able to trust him again.

Sorry for the spelling mistakes I'm to lazy to go back and I type fast