seat no. 26 a ~discontinued~

8. tears fall

“when you've suffered a great deal in life, each additional pain is both unbearable and trifling.” 

― yann martel, Life of Pi

i don’t even know why i spew random physics principles from my mouth when i’m nervous – you know i still do that. it’s a bad habit. on the plus side it makes you laugh.

 after i was done telling you something you probably already knew, i was hitting myself internally.

 but you looked vaguely comforted so i attempted a smile.

 you smiled back – except it wasn’t that smile with the amaranthine radiance you had before, it was tight and didn’t really reach your eyes.

 my chest constricted because you suddenly looked so horrendously sad and i didn’t know why just a bit of turbulence was having such an effect on you – quite obviously it wasn’t just the turbulence.

 i have a headache, you muttered, looking away abruptly and you reached up, pulling the knot of your bandana and taking it off. it slid off smoothly, and i watched as your hair fell about your face, your reading light catching a few of the blonde strands and making them like threads of pure gold. you smoothed your hair down over your head – it reached only till your shoulders, it’s so much longer now – and then put your head in your hands.

 and i was just watching you helplessly.

 zoya, i said uncertainly, should i get you anything?

 i didn’t like that feeling, just sitting there while you held your head like that.

 i’m fine, noah.

 my heart accelerated when your voice came out shaky.

 you were anything but fine.

 taking the risk of coming across as  a pushy, annoying, physics-obsessed stranger, i leaned down a little so you’d hear me better and said, you don’t seem fine.

 you straightened up abruptly, eyes flickering to me, and then you quickly turned your head towards the window.

 i couldn’t breathe, because you weren’t fast enough – i saw the tears slipping from your eyes before you could brush them away.