nostalgia (one-shots)

What It Would Have Been Like

Jess' Point Of View

"How hard iI it to understand? I love you." Roy wasn't listening to me. I've tired to explain this to him several times but he doesn't seem to comprehend just how much that means.

"You know we can't be together," he sighed.

"I didn't ask you that"

"Jess, you didn't ask me anything at all."

"Oh my goodness. Do you like me back?" Why can't he just answer me? Why does he have to bring other things up? Things that don't matter in this topic.

"I am dating Hannah."

"But you don't actually like her. You told me."

"It didn't matter what I said. I'm with her and you have to accept that. We are just friends. That's what we have always been. Stop trying to read into things that weren't as you think."

"Why can't you just admit you like me?"

"Maybe that's because I don't! So just stop, okay? Leave me alone and when you come back to reality, we can be friends again."

•••

And that is why I shouldn't have told him. That is why I should have kept my mouth shut. Sarah shouldn't have forced me to tell him. He is happily with Hannah. And where am I? I am alone. Okay, so maybe I'm not exactly alone but I might as well be because a life without Roy is no life at all. Not because I'm some girl who is helplessly on love with her best friend, but because my best friend is the one who saved me from all of the destruction in my life. He was my sunshine. He made me laugh and smile unconditionally. Roy is the only person who knows all of my faults and imperfections and still cared for me. But things have changed.

Roy is with his girlfriend and I screwed things up by admitting my feelings. But I guess it's better this way. I may feel like crap but at least I don't have to walk around with a big burden on my chest. I don't have that aching feeling in the pit of my soul to know how he feels. Is simple now. He doesn't feel anything towards me. He probably thinks I'm a psycho.

It kills me to see them hold hands and walk down the hallway. It hurts when he looks down at her, and she looks up at her. And then, they smile and kiss. The worst part is that I take notice of all of this. Sometimes, I sit alone in my room and wonder what it would have been like if we were together.

•••

Roy's Point Of View

There she is, looking as beautiful as ever. Her eyes are glistening like never before. Her beauty outshines any other girl in this school. I'm glad that I met her but I was such an idiot. I didn't treasure her when I had her. I didn't reciprocate the feelings she had for me and I let her go as if she ment nothing to me. I was too blind to notice how different she was from everyone else. I didn't realize how much she actually ment to me until it was way too late. And now, I am the one paying for all of it. There goes Jess, her hand intertwined with Aleksandrovich's. He mended her broken heart. The broken heart that I caused. I'm a fool for ever choosing Hannah. She wasn't the right choice but I didn't see it until Hannah cheated on me. I caused all of this. And I can't fix it. I go around and wonder what it would have been like if I had chosen her.