ataraxia

chpt. 1

Snowflakes fell peacefully from the sky, more layers piled on top of the dead grass and bare trees. It was January 31st and it's been snowing on and off for the past few days. Everett's gram and pap sat in the living room watching jeopardy and her dog laid on a rug chewing a rubber bone. The fire place crackled in the dining room and glowed into the hallway.

Everett and her mother had just moved back in with her grandparents after fleeing from her mentally abusive step father and hellion of a step sister. She lived seven long years with them and she's honestly surprised that she never set the house ablaze.

Everett sat at her kitchen table seated next to her mother, Ashlyn Barron. Everett chewed at her fingernails as her leg bounced up slightly shaking the table. She stared down at the blank screen of her phone waiting for her boyfriend to text back. Ashlyn was focused on her laptop that sat in front of her.

Ashlyn is a writer for the local newspaper in their small town, very, very small town located in the middle of Pennsylvania with only a population of 2000. The town doesn't even have one stop light, well, if you're counting the one that's 3 miles out of town on Yellow Springs. Everett inhaled through her mouth and coughed from the cold she had came down with the night before.

"Ev, go take your temperature, I want you to go to school tomorrow considering you've missed so many days of school already. I got a letter in the mail last week." Ashlyn said glancing over at her daughter.

Everett picked up her blue eyes from her phone and looked at her mother. She had smudged mascara all underneath her eyes since she slept in it the night before and didn't feel like taking it off.

"I just took it before you got home from the store. I was like- 100.2 or something." She informed her mother. "I already took Tylenol."

"Okay." Ashlyn said sighing and looking back at her computer. Everett watched as her phone lit up.

"Luke is typing...."

Her heart sank knowing it won't be good, knowing the fact for the past two weeks it's just been constant fighting and arguments between the two. Everett will say red, Luke will say blue.

"Luke sent a chat."

Everett got up from her seat and walked up to the bathroom. She held onto the rail staring down at the two notifications on her lock screen, a picture of Luke smiling was her background. It was from when they first ever hung out on October 3rd, he was a country boy.

Blonde hair and blue eyes, big dimples, bushy eyebrows, a mullet...and was only 5'6. Height didn't matter to Everett since she's 5'2, if you're taller than her, she considers you tall. He worked on a farm almost everyday after school when he wasn't football season.

Now granted, the two only have been dating for a little over three months but Everett was so far into love, it sickened her that she even let herself get that attached to the boy so fast. Love made her cringe and was something she never really found any desire in. She didn't know why at the time but the real root of that opinion is her absent father. Someone who she hasn't seen in eight years...yet he lives a 30 second walking distance from her house.

Everett entered the bathroom and shut the door and put down the toilet seat lid and took a seat crossing her legs and leaning over as she tapped on the notification. Her heart raced and pounded as felt as her hands slightly shook. 'Why am I so anxious?' she thought to herself. She began to sweat and the chat loaded.

'Ev I honestly don't know what to tell you anymore since nothing really seems to please you anymore. I do love you Everett but somethings off and you and I both know it. I stopped coming around as much for a reason, I'm sorry but I think we need a break.'

She read the message and chewed the dry skin on her lip as the words on her screen began to disappear into a blurred fog as tears welled in her eyes. She gulped and sighed blinking away the tears and her thumbs danced over her screen not knowing what to say.

"Fuck.." She whispered under her breath not knowing what to say. She stood up and tucked her dark auburn hair behind her ear.

'Did I do something wrong?' She typed back.

'No. It's just that something is wrong. I love you, I really do it's just something has changed.'

Everett never has been so confused. Ten minutes before she had texted him asking him when she was going to be able to see him next since it's been three weeks. Her juggling volleyball lessons and softball conditioning had stunted her ability to spend time with Luke, but she still had plenty opportunities that he just passed up.

'You're losing feelings.' She wrote back as she bit her inner cheek and tears started to fall from her eyes.

'Don't say that.' He argued.

The argument is too long to write in full detail.. Both blasted points at one another over snapchat, which is rather embarrassing since Luke was too pussy to actually settle this face to face. Which honestly could be a good thing considering it's Everett Barron.

She has a bit of a short fuse. If Luke would've said the wrong thing that rubbed her the wrong way, a nice red hand print might've appeared on his cheek. Everett is feared by many, not because she's actually scary, she just comes off as very intimidating. We'll get into that topic later.

———

Everett laid in her bed staring at the half drank water bottle that sat on her dresser across from her bed. Crusted tears stained her face, her eyelashes stuck together from crying so back and her mascara hardened again. Her eyes were so puffy it looked like she had just shoved her face in a bucket of pollen in late April.

It was 7:15 A.M and her third school alarm had just went off. She laid in the darkness knowing that this "break" her and Luke are on will never end. Her nose was even more stuffy from crying, which didn't help her cold. Everett sat up in bed and noticed Luke still had her snap left on delivered from the night before. He was active at school just 2 minutes ago.

She stood up out of bed and hobbled down the stairs and went to the kitchen grabbing the thermometer out of the medicine cabinet. Her grandmother sat at the kitchen table in a night gown reading the morning paper sipping on hazelnut coffee.

Everett stood at the counter with the thermometer in her mouth.

"Feeling any better?" Diana asked. Everett shook her head and crossed her eyes staring at the thermometer in her mouth. She watched as the numbers racked up and it beeped.

"100.5." She said in sick raspy voice.

Diana sighed and put a mask on. She still has a bit of a fear when it comes to sickness after the pandemic.

"Take medicine and go lay back down." She instructed. Everett chuckled at Diana putting a mask on. Both are filling vaccinated and Everett had Covid hardly a month ago. Everett took medicine and went back upstairs and laid back in bed.

She curled up in a blanket Luke had gotten her for Christmas. Honestly, it was a pretty damn nice blanket and kept her warm. She shut her eyes trying to go back to sleep and all she could think about was Luke. She groaned and grabbed her journal out from under her bed.

'I remember we used to be in love. You actually loved me, do you remember that..because I sure as hell do. I remember on October 3rd when we first hung out, my mom took you, Laura and Chester to a haunted house. It was so damn awkward but it kind of seemed sweet. You didn't talk much, you just sort of kept looking at me. You and Chester were already buddies even though you went to a different school. Now that I think about it, I didn't know much about you, and I still don't. I know that you like farming, riding dirt bikes, hunting, fishing, sweet tea, nicotine..playing video games but I didn't know you. There was this wall, I didn't know who you were, i still don't but how the hell did I fall so deep in love you? You used to be obsessed with me even before I ever considered giving you a chance. The countless times you used to slide up on my story complimenting my body and my 'hot as fuck' face doesn't add up. You loved everything about me but now you don't. How does that happen? What did I do? Did you get bored? Was it because I was annoying or was my ass just not as big as you thought it was? Was I bad girlfriend? I warned you that I wasn't very loving but I know damn well I loved you as much as I could. Fuck Luke, why? Why? What did I do? Did I get ugly or was l just not enough for you? Where did that love go?'