JUST BREATHE(POETRY)

I'm not unhappy but I'm not happy either

Many people told me that happiness is a choice which I also think is true but the problem is that sadness always lasts longer than happiness. 

That even if I choose happiness all the time, the things, the memories, the people I chose to forget and leave behind always find their ways to resurface and remind me that I don't deserve to be happy.

 These days I feel like life is just a series of unfamiliar questions that keeps me up all night wondering what were the right answers.

 I am not unhappy but I am not happy either. And this is the worst feeling, to feel a little bit lost when you didn't even move forward,

I feel empty even if you did nothing to drain your energy and to feel tired even if you just spent the entire day holding on to that slim hope that you'll be able to survive today just like yesterday.

These days, I really don't recognize me. I wish to break free yet I stay in confined space telling myself not to create more reasons to make life harder. 

If life has so much to offer, how come that emptiness is the only thing found in the options that comes with no consequences? If happiness is a choice, why does it always comes with a price?

I always pray that the universe will show a little bit of sympathy and offer me the amount of pain that I can handle. 

I always pray that even if the universe has no choice but to hurt me, at least it will give me the kind of sadness that will not torment me for the rest of my life.