A step forward

Chapter 1

As Arnav ji storms off to his office, escaping from the stifling reality of her presence in his family, Khushi turns back towards the living room and wonders at the farce her life has become. The barbs from her in-laws, sidelong glances from their family friends, the angry silence of her family and her husband's treatment of her.

Her sister, the one whom she wanted to safeguard - wouldn't even look at her. Mami ji had never spared an opportunity to remind Khushi and her sister of their place since the beginning. It was them, the respect for elders instilled in them against Mami ji's hurtful name calling. Solidarity in pain, in face of the unknown.

But that was her Jiji. This was her devrani, Payel ji. Like the dutiful daughter-in-law, Payel ji's eyes would always skip over Khushi. As though there was no one standing in Khushi's place, just empty space.

As she walks away from disapproving eyes, Khushi feels like bursting out in hysterical laughter. In agreeing to the travesty of a marriage with Arnav ji, Khushi had unwittingly united the entire Raizada and Gupta families.

Mami ji had never been happier with Payel and her family. Nani ji, Mama ji and Mami ji had never been of the same mind for so long. Her marriage, Khushi realizes has provided them all a common enemy to stand against. Her.

It eats at me. How fast they welcome Arnav back into the fold, while I am left stranded on the sidelines. Everyone thinks it was a rushed marriage, borne of passion and love. They punish me for the supposed indiscretion, but they do not dare utter a cross word in Arnav's presence. Not after the first day. Amma won't even acknowledge my existence, and yet they have forgiven their own son so fast.

Khushi wonders where it went so spectacularly wrong. Was it because she was a daughter? An adopted daughter? Is Arnav ji more precious to his family than I am to mine? Is their shame greater than their daughter? Do the neighbours matter more than any explanations I may have?

The past two and a half months have eaten away at Khushi's innocence and faith. Her unshakable belief in the institutions of family, love and marriage were beginning to falter. Shyam ji spared no opportunity to leer at her. The pointed innuendos when happened to be in the same room as the family and the occasional cornering in deserted hallways - left Khushi feeling dirty to her bones.

Sometimes I wish I could peel my skin off and give it a good scrub. Would that stop the creeping feeling? The shuddering crawl of his eyes on my skin - will I ever feel clean again?

Her husband continues his duplicitous acts of love in front of an audience and cruel words in private. Sometimes Khushi thinks she is in the middle of a long, long nightmare and she would wake up at some point. Once Devi Maiyya is done testing her faith, she would reward her devoted friend. Just like the time Devi Maiyya whisked away her birth parents, then gave Amma and Babuji to her.

I used to be so envious of Arnav ji. Always pondering what it would be like to have such a big family.

Her sasural is filled with people. They talk, eat and laugh with each other. Embrace each other with their eccentricities and flaws. She had been a part of that happiness once. Khushi had loved the people in the Raizada family like her own. Yet Khushi feels lonely. I am surrounded by the people I love but I have never felt so alone before.