A step forward

Chapter 3

"...Love yourself a little more."

Khushi returned from Lavanya's house to Shanti Van in a daze. The entire afternoon was emotionally overwrought. Has it only been a few hours?

The weight in her bag as she descends from the auto rickshaw reminds Khushi of the small mobile phone and the mini laptop Lavanya had stuffed in there when Khushi was taking her leave.

"I am not pitying you, Chamkili. These are my older gadgets. I do not use them as often since I upgraded to the latest models. They would just gather dust here so use them. Learn something, practise all the skills you learnt working at AR or watch some movies. Just don't sit around and mope," she sniffs imperiously.

Hari Prakash ji opens the door. Khushi enters and asks after everyone out of habit. A small cough alerts them to the presence of her Jiji. Khushi watches as her sister ignores her and calls Hari Prakash ji away.

The living room is empty. Khushi walked up the stairs to her husband's room. She is oddly tired and it isn't even night yet. There's still some time left before Arnav ji leaves from work.

Khushi hides her bag among her clothes. She doesn't really understand why she feels it necessary to hide the devices, but she does so. They are important to her.

At night, Khushi laid awake on the sofa and thought about everything that happened during the day. Meeting Lavanya ji, the bitter truths her friend made her face, everyone's indifference during dinner - Khushi wryly thought that her day was as charged as the plot from Salman ji's movies.

It took a lot of digging into her memories and taking a third person perspective for Khushi to come to some unpleasant conclusions. She had naively forgiven her husband for all the pain and humiliation he had caused her before and after their marriage.

The bout of soul searching had also brought some nasty realizations about herself. She had no experience in relationships between men and women. She had tried to apply what she'd seen from movies into her own life. The good girl falls in love with the bad boy and she changes him with her love.

At this point, she has learnt enough to understand that there is something between her and Arnav ji. It makes her heart beat faster when she is near him. It sends electricity singing along her nerves. But life cannot be just about palpitating hearts and exciting sensations. The past few months have taught her that.

Abuse. Khushi still finds herself reluctant to use that term. The Indian society in general, tends to shy away from anything that may cast marriage in a bad light. Even then, only the physical evidence of abuse would get noticed.

Marriage and family are sacred to her. Were. Khushi understands now that what her husband was doing to her was not right.

It may or may not be abuse. She doesn't want to think of herself as a victim. She might just break.

Khushi knows that the way she was being treated wasn't right. Surely, she deserved to be given at least a fair chance before they all condemned her.