Swimming Pools ~ Chanbaek

Bury Your Head In The Sand

They entered Texas at the crack of dawn and didn't stop for anything but gas and bathrooms. By sunrise, Chanyeol lost all energy and gave up on trying to stay awake behind the wheel, passing the responsibility onto Baekhyun. Not that he really trusted the mermaid to drive safely on the freeway, but he needed a nap and Baekhyun needed a distraction.

Ever since the aquarium in New Mexico, the mermaid had been moping around, ignoring Chanyeol, hiding away in the depths of his sweatshirt. With Chanyeol fast asleep in the passenger's seat and a road ahead of them to focus on, he found it easier to take his mind off of what happened for a while. Of course, the images of dolphins and fish and turtles and stingrays and coral persisted in the back of his thoughts, but he wasn't going to let it defeat him.

In truth, he wasn't mad at Chanyeol. The human sure as hell believed otherwise after the defiance and the silent treatment. Really, Baekhyun couldn't be more grateful that he received such an opportunity amidst the shitshow of his current situation. He didn't cry and kick and scream because he was pissed and he blamed Chanyeol for putting him in such a situation, he cried and kicked and screamed because that's all he felt like doing since boarding that cruise ship and he simply couldn't bottle it up anymore.

He couldn't remember the last time he let himself be vulnerable. It was always a constant struggle to remain stoic and unbothered, burying his feelings because he didn't need them getting in the way of his goal. He had to get across America and get home; nowhere in that plan did he make time to sit and cry and let his trauma defeat him.

But Chanyeol managed to break him in a way he honestly needed. Holding everything in was exhausting at times; at some point he would come undone at the seams. With all of those emotions finally poured out and his mind relatively clear, Baekhyun felt better than he had in a long time. Sure, he was still sick and in pain and tired and frustrated and upset that he was stuck in America, but he felt...cleaned out for the time being. Like he could finally recharge and reset.

How could he express his gratitude to Chanyeol? He had no idea. He had no idea how to express any kind of emotions to him because it was something he simply never did. Before Chanyeol, he had smugglers and gangsters to keep him company - nobody that gave a damn about his feelings. Then some highly sensitive human came along and got him to overtly feel in a way he hadn't in years and suddenly he had no idea what to do with himself or how to address the situation.

He was glad Chanyeol was asleep for the time being. He didn't want to talk to him. He didn't want to try and put himself in such a vulnerable position again. Because, despite how therapeutic it was to let go for once, he knew he couldn't afford to do it again. Being vulnerable and emotional meant being weak, at least in his mind. And if he was seen as weak, then the people looking to use him would take advantage of that.

He had to be in survival mode at all times. If he ever wanted to get back to Korea with Chanyeol, he had to make it through this trip alive and keep Chanyeol alive as well. He was the rock between the two of them; the hard headed sensible one that didn't let emotions get in the way of surviving. And he needed to keep being the rock because if he slipped up again, he would never be able to protect either of them.

No more tears, no more breakdowns, no more pondering on the aquarium and wishing to have that sliver of happiness again. It was back to being stone cold, closed off, apathetic - pretty much everything Chanyeol wasn't. He could continue to be the emotionally delicate one as long as Baekhyun continued to be the emotionally detached. That way they would balance each other out and not have the scale dipping to one side or another to the point it was distracting.

There was nothing Baekhyun hated more than a distraction that took away from his journey back home. It was his number one priority; not throwing tantrums or thinking too much about the past. Get Chanyeol to Florida and get to Korea - that was all that mattered. Keep himself alive, keep Chanyeol alive, escape his old life, and finally find freedom.