Nekro-Narcissistic

Chapter 3 - Stairs

     Soap retrieved her trusty set of cleaning supplies from the storage cabinet. Today was cleaning day, and no little argument between Salt and Trophy was going to get in the way of that.
She hummed a familiar little tune as she sprayed the center table with cleaning product.

"Come on guys, don't argue..I don't want to force you!" 🎶

She smiled as the table made squeaky clean sounds as she passed a rag on its surface.
Tissues was laying on the couch next to Trophy, who was looking through pictures he'd taken the day before, discarding the ones that Salt had photobombed.
Another spray of the product stung Tissue's sinuses and made him sneeze in Trophy's direction.

"Hey- watch it!"

He shouted. Soap felt uneasy at the proximity of that sneeze, worried that she might be next in his line of sight. For all that Soap thought, she couldn't understand how someone who spent the whole day sneezing couldn't even bother ONCE to try and cover his mouth. It's something everyone is taught as a child, to cover their cough. It's the courteous thing to do, much more since it was really all Tissues did. She nervously sprayed the table once again, and again Tissues sneezed, this time in her direction. She yelled out in surprise.

"AAAH-! Tissues!! Can't you cover your mouth!??"

Quickly. She scrubbed the areas where his snot landed on her. He just looked at her with a blank expression.

"Oim sorry Soap, but oi just can't catch it fast enough. My sneezes are faster than- tha- aAACHOO!!"

Another sneeze sent Soap running backwards, not wanting to get sprayed again.

"You mean to tell me you sneeze sooooo fast that you're incapable of covering it??"

"That's roight. That's all it is."

Tissues coughed, using his arm to cover it. Soap glared at him. He glared back.

"What? I can do it sometoimes."

"Well if you can do it 'sometoimes' you can do it all the time. Right?!"

"Don't shout at me, oim not deaf. Well only sometoimes. It's my condishion."

If Soap had a penny for every time Tissues had mentioned his "condishion" she would have enough to buy this hotel twice.

"Fine, fine. But can you at least try to sneeze on something, anything, that isn't me?"

"Well it's your spray boitles and their little chemioils that make me sneeze. Spray it somewhere else."

"I need to clean here! Don't you get that?"

"Ohh! Yoire so right. 'Look out gois, there's some microscoipic germs on this table!!! Oi need to clean it.'"

For someone who was usually quiet, Tissues did have a sassy attitude. This wasn't the first time he'd spoken back to Soap like this.

"I don't need your sass! Just move aside and let me finish."

"Oh yea? Why don't you take a whiff of yoire own stuff??"

Tissues grabbed the spray bottle with his cold and clammy hands, spraying its contents in Soap's general direction. It nearly hit her eyes, which she knew could've caused some pretty serious damage if they did hit there.
Trophy stood up in Soap's defense.

"What the hell!?? Don't spray that shit in her eyes! You'll make her go blind, you germ ridden shitstain!"

"Well oim sorry, I didn't mean to do thoit. I'm proving my point."

The two of them argued, while Soap wiped the contents of the bottle from off her body. She wasn't so sure about going blind, but they would sting like hell. Whatever the case, she'd have to separate Trophy from yet another conflict.