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18th may

I am having a very bad week , and just to feel better I'm writing it down .

kit , when you come back read this- you are missed a lot by me.

my love , pavs deactivated today .   I wanted to check if I said something wrong.  it was a few days , pavs wrote that ' offline ; personal issues.  '

I really found some comfort in talking to pavs.

I really cherish the other's I've talked to , if you deactivate don't go without a goodbye.

I really felt my eyes warming up and thinking  how probably pavs would never even contact me again .

I am having a few financial issues , and then it so happened that a family member bought a lot of food , which we couldn't finish on time.

the food was wasted and I've been constantly hearing about the financial crisis at home.

I even said my thoughts out loud on it , as I don't earn bread my opinion doesn't matter; but instead the member turned it into

' You don't need to apply everything you hear from elders ' well that felt like I am irrationally just supporting another person.

when my point made sense , if we have crisis we must save?

well I think I'll forget about it.

today I realized that I've been rude . And it's true. I think I was rude to some people , and I'm behaving  in a rude way - I actually shouted at someone because they were taking my food away , I've never done something like that.

the more I think about it , the more it scares me if I am selfish , if I am what I am warned not to be , If I am an uncultured person or turning to be.

Oh God , also the class3s and everything is being tough , I feel like there's no outlet to what is storing - I learn and absorb new things . I study more and more. And then I come home and have other tasks to do. It's like I can't manage my own time.

everything needs a piece of my time , which I feel is exhausted very soon. There's actually no show I started in this summer break that I finished completely.

I feel like I am in chaos and it's not a good feeling , the chaos is not funny , it's deafening.

I have new pimples and yes it's part of growing up. But I feel so ugly about myself seeing my face , it's a bit changed - it looks too rough . I didn't like puberty at all.

I want to keep my problems closed off , but when the people irl listen to my problems they judge a lot. like it isn't even a proper matter.

why telling you , i dont know .