Honour Bound

41- Ill

You trudged into your home aimlessly as you chucked Taehyung’s keys into the tray, completely drained. Not physically at all, but mentally, emotionally. You’d decided to tuck Taehyung’s gift away into the housekeepers’ closet, knowing he would have no reason to go there.

You dragged your feet lazily to the main area, plopping down onto a large Leather Italia sofa, laying yourself across with an arm draped over your tired eyes, mind utterly storming.

You didn’t know Jimin’s words could leak so deeply into the crevices of your doubtful mind, leaving you with a near headache and entirely rethinking your relationship with Taehyung.

You’d realize now how utterly blind you were, how in fact, much of what you did for Taehyung never stemmed from impressing some cameras or bettering an image, it all felt.. innate to do them with Taehyung.

You did them because you voluntarily desired to, felt those feelings from the bottom of your heart. You truly desired to be there whenever he felt alone, desired to help him whenever he needed it, desired to be his solace in a world where his life was so demanding, so busy and mentally draining.

You wholly desired to do things for Taehyung.

Not to mention Jimin was right to point out your jealousy, which funnily enough could be worse than Taehyung’s. You’d often disregard the ugly emotion for your own good, but couldn’t leave it unaddressed any longer.

Hell, the first time you two made out was the result of you growing jealous over women gawking at him, and even caused a messy fight solely because you grew wildly envious at another woman touching and being alone with him.

Better yet, now that you thought about it, you hated the idea of another woman making advances on him that wasn’t you. Your reason was fair; the very thought aggravated the low self-esteem issues you’ve always had whenever it came to him, thinking you could never match up to a man of Taehyung’s caliber, that other women could be better for him anyway.

Despite that thought, however, you always considered you truly never wanted to see him with anybody else except you, no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself you two were only forced together.

Even the gift you’d planned for him was another telltale sign.

You desired to gift him the camera not only as repayment for all the things he’s done and given you, but because you secretly wanted to see the way his expression would light up upon receiving it, especially considering it was a meaningful, special gift nobody has ever given him before.

It was in fact true you did research for the camera, secretly canvassed his photos when he wasn’t home to study the photos he took. He indeed took some shots in black and white, though you remembered Taehyung telling you he felt as though photography was like his way of seeing the world through his own lens, and judging by the beautiful photos he took of scenery, the outside world, the people he loved, colour is what stood out to you the most.

And so you chose the coloured version of the Leica camera film, even noticed as handsome as he is in all black looks and shades, he tended to lean towards lighter, warm colours; silvers, greys, whites, beiges and browns, and so you even chose the silver chrome colour for the camera.

These whimsical thoughts made you acknowledge all the information you’d come to store about him, whether it was intentional or not, directly or indirectly. You’d come to notice that you learned such trivial, little things about him as a person that helped you understand him, even cater to his specific likes and preferences. That you enjoyed seeing him smile as a result, wanting to always provide him with reasons to be happy.