Drama Diaries

Saturday, August 31

Sometimes I wonder if my mom is BRAIN DEAD. Then, there are days when I know she is. 

Like today. 

The drama started this morning when I asked if she would buy me the new Juicy Couture designer mobile phone that does everything and has a respectable price tag on it. I considered this a necessity of life, second only to maybe stilettos. Who needs food or water? Not me!

I'm just playing, hon😃 

What better way to ensure that I maintain my spot as QUEEN of the CCPs (Cute, Cool, and Popular kids) at my private school, Westchester Country Day, then by dazzling them with an amazing new Juicy Couture designer mobile phone. I don't want my reputation to end up like that girl Nicole's 😬 

Let me elaborate:

Last year I heard about a girl at another school who didn't have a cellphone, and instead of asking her parents to buy her one, she took it upon herself to get one off of some cheap site (maybe eBay). I can promise you that it wasn't more than $15. Can you imagine? I can't even!

Anyway, fast forward to the part when she brought it to school, shoved it in her locker, and spread the rumor that everyone could "get the NEW gossip on her JUICY phone". Two of my CCP friends at that school approached her locker and invited her to lunch, thinking that she had the Juicy phone. They started talking to her and saying that everyone (meaning the rest of the CCP crew) couldn't wait to see it.  

They noticed a tiny change in her expression, but they didn't think much of it. Just then, her phone started ringing. SO ABNORMALLY LOUD! They told me that it looked like she was ignoring it, but they were staring at her like, "Well, aren't you going to pick the phone up?" 

She just stood there doing nothing and let the phone continue to ring. Soon, people from all over the hallway had stopped and stared at her annoyed. Finally, she yanked open her locker to stop that awful ringing. 

They casually peered inside, expecting to find her new Juicy Couture designer mobile phone. Oh, how they were so terribly mistaken. (And for anyone who might be wondering: I AM NOT ASKING MY MOM FOR THE SAME PHONE THAT NICOLE LIED ABOUT! That was first model. I'm asking for the second model. Plain and simple. Just clearing up the misconception 😃). 

The sight of her horrific PUBLIC PAY PHONE caused them to start sprinting down the hallway, trying to get away from that THING as fast as they could. And get this! She was all, '"Hello? Umm...sorry. Wrong number."' Couldn't she see that the monstrosity that she held in her locker traumatized my friends into screaming 'MAKE IT GO AWAY! MAKE IT GO AWAY!'?

The most important lesson I learned from that story was that having an atrocious phone- or none at all (in Nicole's case)- can demolish your social life. While crowds of celebrity party girls regularly forget to wear UNDIES and SOCKS, not ONE would be caught DEAD without her phone. Which is why I was pressing my mom to get me a new phone. 

I know perfectly well that I have enough money to start saving up so that I could get the phone within a span of 2 months (thanks to my monthly allowance), but where's the fun in not letting your LOADED parents buy it for you? Zilch! No fun included! 

Besides, I spend all my money on designer clothing and shoes! Hon, my closet's so FULL of clothes, I have to have a separate shed for shoes! 

Anyway, when mom came home with a special 'back-to-school' gift, I was pretty confident in what it was. While she droned on about "what I needed right now" and "communication", I was envisioning showing off my new Juicy Couture designer mobile phone to all of the CCPs and feeling them writhe in envy. The jealousy and admiration on all of their faces would have been sweeter than honey. 

I was so excited! Since mom was the queen of her school back when she was a teen, she MUST have understood that I needed this Juicy Couture designer mobile phone to continue my unmatched reign. RIGHT? 😃 

WRONG! ☹️ 

After my mom finally finished her little speech, she handed me a book. I took it and held it by the corner. "What is THIS?" I practically screeched. There was no way that she had gotten me a BOOK instead of a phone. She tilted her head at me and hesitated before speaking, "It's the gift I was explaining. A woman at my charity event said that after she got her daughter a diary, she was able to express her feelings better." 

A DIARY?!?!?! I was like, OH. NO. SHE. DIDN'T!

EXCUUUUUUSSSSSEEEEE ME?! Can you actually BELIEVE her? I know for a fact that I 'express' my feelings perfectly!

As I held the diary in my hands, it continued to dawn on me that she did not get me a Juicy Couture designer mobile phone. Talk about major heartbreak! ☹️Now what was I supposed to do, sit down quietly somewhere, open my DIARY and write about my feelings in it like some lonely, depressed individual?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

My mom had given me two things: a DIARY and indisputable evidence that she IS, in fact, 

CLINICALLY BRAIN DEAD!!!

No one of MY social status writes about their innermost feelings in a DIARY! WHY?!

Because just a couple of people knowing your business could absolutely destroy your rep. If anything, you're supposed to post this kind of stuff online in your drama-filled blog for MILLIONS to read.

Only someone totally LAME would be caught having a diary around. 

This is BY FAR the worst present I have received...wait. The SECOND worst present I have received. The ugly Christmas sweater from Aunt Jane made me want to throw up the tofu salad I had for lunch that day! I mean, you have a sister who owns a fashion school, can't you take any tips?!

Anyway, I don't need a BLANK book with 282 pages! Until I get the new Juicy Couture designer mobile phone, I will NOT write in this diary again. NOT EVER!!

Toodles!