It's like walking with your friends and you're all walking at the same pace. You stumble and fall and everyone turns. They look at you with expectant faces, waiting for you to get back up and laugh it off, but you can't. You can't walk. You have forgotten. And everyone waits for a moment and you try to tell them what happened and they look at you like you've stopped speaking english. So they move on. With more capable people. You lay there hoping someone will come to help, but no one ever does. You yell and scream at everyone walking by that you need help, but none of them know what you are saying and they believe you are choosing to lay there needing help but not getting any. So you stop asking. And when everyone finally realizes that you need help more than anyone it's already too late. They ask why you stopped asking, why you didn't fight harder. "I couldn't." You explain, hoping they understand. Because when I was younger I was told I was so much smarter than everyone and of course I was. I was always told I was special compared to everyone else. I was told I didn't need help like the other kids, so when I got older and did need help nobody helped me, they told me I didn't need it. So now I live in a perpetual state of not asking anymore, because asking for help feels like admitting defeat. It feels like I've failed some higher power and I will be shunned for asking. Hated forever because I needed help with something.
