The Dance

4 - "Not Easy"

After class Mrs. Chang comes up to me. I'm still on this stupid bench. What is the purpose anymore? She sits beside me on the bench and I make room for her even though I take up more room than her, and the fact that she is skinny enough for me not to have moved. But it's the thought that counts.

My Dance teacher puts a hand on my shoulder, and with the most endearment, she talks to me.

"Carnell, I understand what you are going through, and I feel just as disappointed as you that this has happened to you. Miss Baker was a wonderful pupil for me, and it will be a while until another girl like that falls into my lap."

I nudge away, which makes Mrs. Chang stopped talking.
"...I see. Well, Carnell despite the unfortunate circumstances, I believe there is a fraction that you may be able to properly participate in the state dance competition. But this will be an even heavier burden than a normal year for you."

I perk up at this. Chang knows that I am the hardest working student in her class, and pretty much the most star dancer in all of Du Pont, so I should not have done as much as guessed she would never come up with a plan. I straight up, ready to take good news properly. Damn, if my mother saw my posture just now, I bet she would have such a big cow about it.

"Carnell, remember, this will not be easy for you at all, but because I refuse to have you do nothing in my class for the rest of the school year, this is what you can do. If you so choose. Remember, I can always find something else for you to do if you refuse."

Suddenly, my brows furrowed in confusion. Mrs. Chang had never been this serious before to me—And that is saying something. I listen carefully, still sure about whatever Chang has planned for me.

"Mister Carnell, you will have an extraordinary chance most dancers throughout the world are unable to take part in. You will choose your own partner."

My mind blanks at this information. She wants me to... choose some girl? I'm confused. I quickly blink back into reality, looking at Mrs. Chang, but she only looks back at me with the same sorry look for me she had on before. Though this one is giving me more I'm sorry, my hands are tied; it's all that I can do. I don't know which is worse.

Somehow I am able to smile at my teacher and tell her I'll think about it. My body then stands up, and gets lost in the crowd of students as the bell rings. For the rest of the school day my mind is on autopilot, going through the motions normally done every day at school. It is only after school in my bedroom that I seem to switch back to normal

***

"Ethan, honey, I need your assistance!"

I open my eyes to find that it is almost 4:00 PM. I rarely take a nap, but I guess today was a rarity. I head downstairs to the dinning room where Mother is standing next to a huge painting. She wants me to help her hang it up.

"Take that side and I'll lift my side."

I follow her command and together we are able to lift the large painting and hang it onto the blank wall. It's been a new hobby of Mother, collecting well-priced paintings, and displaying them all over the house.

Conquicidently, my mother is a hobbyist painter. But I think we all know she does it to fill the loneliness of being in an empty house all the time, along with personal trauma. I tell her to do what she wants, she follows my command.

She wipes her hand on a handkerchief she keeps in her back pocket, even though there are no germs or dirt on the painting's frame, and smiles at me.

"Thank you Ethan." I wait for it. "By the way... Do you know how your father is doing?"

Internally, I am pissed, but I place a mean poker face, so Mother knows nothing out of the ordinary. Why does my mother care only about my father? Does she only care about people she does not live with, or dead ones? Will she ever give a crap about her only son? Answers are left in the air, dissolved.

"I believe I will go over to his apartment this weekend."

Mother nods, and starts to walk away, completely missing what normal mothers do like asking their children "how was school?" or anything like that. Nope, Mother stuffs her handkerchief back into her pocket and walks away, like nothing happened.

I sigh, looking up at the painting we just hung. It's a painting of a young little boy on a tricycle. It looks like your normal, average painting until I realize something about the face. That face looks like my brother, but in child form.

I stare at the painting a little longer before being somewhat creeped out by it, and trot back to my room. Despite not being mentally present at any of my classes, I have gathered a stack of homework and assignments. Slowly, I get through them all, which leaves me with some good time to just think.

"Chang wants me to... Pick my own dance partner? What is she talking about?"

The thought sounds stupid. I know no other dancers, and if I did, they would already be in the program and have a partner of their own. Mrs. Chang did say it would be difficult for me to participate in State this year, but she had faith in me. Unluckily, I do not have any faith in myself. I would have a better time with a complete rookie than having to find someone. At least I would be dancing at that point.

I sigh again. What am I going to do now?