Sunshine in the Rain

Chapter 9

"I told you so!" nasabi ni Selene matapos kong ikwento yung napag-usapan namin ni Jake nung isang araw. "So, kayo na ba? Or nanliligaw pa lang?" excited na tanong nito, bahagya pa akong niyuyogyog.

"Kumalma ka nga muna," pigil ko dito. Tumigil naman ito agad, para siyang tuta na nakatingin lang sa akin habang naghihintay ng makakain.

"I think he's courting me. I'm not sure I kinda reject him," Nasabi ko dito.

"What?! I thought you like him," sabi nito.

"And I also thought that he won't like me." Dagdag ko.

"Who wouldn't like you, Ian? Kung lalaki lang ako baga niligawan na kita." Pahayag nito. Napatungo ako.

"I can't like someone if I don't even like myself." Nasabi ko. Napabuntong hininga naman siya.

"I pity myself to have this kind of mindset. It's my fault to be born this way." Patuloy ko. I don't want to hurt someone just because I need to be love, or to feel like I am needed. Because that will be unfair to that someone. I can't be selfish.

I knew that, but I can't help but to be happy when Jake like me.

"It's not your fault. Let's be honest here, it's your parent's fault for pressuring you, your relative's fault for comparing you to your sister, and those people who keeps degrading you. They are trash for not knowing every single damn thing of your effort!" galit na sabi nito.

"My parents just want the best for me."

"It's not that I'm questioning them for being a parent. But family is the basic unit of society, they are our first in everything. The validity you are looking for, for yourself should come from your parents. The compliments, they are the first step. Kahit nga yung theory ni Sigmund Freud, significant ang magulang e, na kapag nagkulang sobrang laki ng trauma natin." Argumento nito.

"Ian, you need to be honest. Talk to your parents," Dagdag nito.

"You'll be a good psychiatrist." Nasabi ko na lang. I'll take note of what she said, it makes sense. Ano nga bang gagawin ko kung wala ang babaeng ito?

"Ang haba ng sinabi ko, yan lang sagot mo? My ghad!" dumbfoundedly, she said. Natawa na lang ako dito. Nagpatuloy naman siyang dumada hanggang matapos ang break namin sa araw na iyon.

Jake calling

"Mmm?" bungad ko dito nang sinagot ang tawag.

"Where are you?" tanong niya.

"I'm going to study," Sagot ko habang naglalakad papasok sa café. It's weekend.

"Okay, see you!" napakunot ang noo ko. See you? Wala naman kaming usapan. Naguguluhan akong pinasok ang cellphone ko sa bag, bago bumaling sa may cashier.

Doon ko nakita si Jake, nakangiti habang kinakawayan ako. Saka ko lang naintindihan ang sinabi niya kanina. Nilapitan ko ito.

"Anong...?"

"I want to study with you, I already order our drinks. You can find a seat." Paliwanag nito. Hindi na ako nakipagtalo pa at naghanap na lang ng mauupuan.

I find a two-seater table beside the window. Nilabas ko na rin ang mga gamit na aaralin habang naghihintay.

"Strawberry frappe and a waffle," saad nito habang nilalapag sa harap ko ang binili.

"How do you know that I'll be here?" tanong ko dito.

"You always study on weekdays plus you really like this place."