CLOSER || EDDIE MUNSON

Part 18

(Apologies, short chapter again today! I promise it will be worth it later. :))

It was now Saturday, the day after I had gotten to my aunts house. I had a decent sleep the night before, there weren't any nightmares and I didn't cry myself to sleep for once. It was almost relaxing actually.
The only thing that made it that way was the fact I could think through everything though. I could see things from a different perspective, and feel them as soon as they came up. I allowed myself to experience everything in real time, no restraint or composure to try and keep.
It was therapeutic honestly.
But there were still some bad times.
I would spend hours just crying over everything, missing him and what we had. Even though we hadn't really been talking for that long he easily was the most important person to me. It broke my heart not having him around, it was one of the worst things I had ever felt.
I'd never cried this hard over someone, much less felt any similar to the way I did about Eddie. He was like a lifeline.
And I'd lost him.
Every time I thought about it, I went through the same heartbreak I had the night we fought.
I knew we weren't dating but it hurt like we were. It was a constant tossing and turning of feelings, one moment I'd finally think I was getting better and the next I would be practically scream-crying. I hated it so much. I just wanted this weight off of my shoulders.
I still had yet to figure out how to do that though.
I tried, I still was trying, but I couldn't figure it out. I didn't know how to come back from this. The only thing I could see happening is me showing up crying like I had been, and him slamming the door in my face. I didn't think there'd be any other outcome, but I still tried for one.
Unfortunately, my thoughts would end up taking me other places as usual. I hated admitting it but it was hard to keep myself on track, after all I did leave to be able to lose myself in my feelings. It was hard, the thinking and feeling. It created confusion and most of the time produced more chaos than peace.
I hated all of it. I hated the confusion, the wondering, the tears, and most of all not having Eddie around.
It made me so incredibly desperate to find a way to fix all of it, make it better, I longed for it.
No, I needed it.
But how?

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I ended up falling asleep right after that. Thinking that much made me exhausted, physically and emotionally, so I fell asleep like that often.
I opened my eyes, blinded by the light leaking from the window. I watched as dust flew through the air, enjoying the clarity I had for a few moments.
Yesterday morning had been that way too, I had a moment of peace before everything came crashing down again.
I sat up, letting the thoughts flood back in. The questions all returned as usual, the main one being how to fix it all. I still didn't know.
I decided then to make a promise, to myself and to Eddie.

I'm going to fix this when I come home. The second I can see him again, I'm going to fix it, no matter what.