Your Promises to Me [Kazuxiao]

~

The weight in his arms can’t be real, Xiao thinks. Surely, he’s holding something else. His arms are shaking simply because this item is heavy. A shaky breath leaves him as he devises that he’s sat down with Kazuha. Something leans on his arm, he’s sure he can feel it, as they look down at what’s in Xiao’s possession. It’s… Well, it’s quite simple actually, he’s holding,,,

Kazuha’s bleeding. His improvised vision breaks down and he’s sat in the rain again, holding so desperately onto his mortal saviour. The bleeding has gotten so bad, movement halted, is he even breathing anymore?

“But.. You can’t die,” his voice cracks, a sorry whimper following the statement. "You're not supposed to die, I.. I love you, I was supposed to protect you." The confession, Xiao's first voiced confession, falls on unlistening ears. Tears are beginning to mix with the rain now, he's sure of it. A Yaksha crying? Xiao can't believe it. How has he gotten so weak? And yet..

He shifts his hold on the body in his arms, moving it so it can lay on one of his arms and he can take hold of one of it's hands. It's an unfamiliar feeling, having a presence around his hand like that. But even in last moments, the feeling is comforting. He begins to shake and tear up even worse at the sight, the blood covering his hand only making it worse, dread filling him as he knows he'll never truly get the feeling of holding Kazuha's hands.

He can't fulfill Kazuha's promises anymore, can he? It was so obvious how dearly the samurai had loved him, promising that he'd be patient and wait for Xiao to be comfortable with any actions he thought to prompt. And his first promise was to hold the adeptus' hands. How had Xiao never realised how safe holding his hand would feel?

A deep sense of regret began to settle in the pit of his stomach. How many? His eyes drifted away from their intertwined hands to land on Kazuha's face, so pretty, he could just be asleep. How many of those promises will he never be able to carry out?

The regret took root inside of Xiao, beginning to feel like it was constricting, binding him to the actions he couldn't ever take back. Why did he never take those opportunities when they were presented to him, by the one he loved and trusted so dearly? The one who saved him once again. Slowly, he brought Kazuha closer to him, letting go of his hand to press his head onto the shoulder bare of armour. He held on so tight, trying to ground himself back to reality.

Another of Kazuha's promises he could barely give to him, a hug. Xiao thought that the day he willingly hugged anyone, especially a mortal of all creatures, would never come. The thought made him feel so uncomfortable, it was something he was sure he'd never pursue. Sitting in the rain, clinging to his love, he was clearly proven wrong. So desperately did Xiao yearn to have done this earlier.

What would it be like? To hug and be hugged, feel the warmth and comfort that would come from Kazuha wrapping his arms around him too. Sobs began to wrack through his body, wishing upon nothing to have that. Oh so much did he want that.

It felt like a century had passed when his sobs had bubbled down to just hiccups, his throat and eyes worn out and tired. It was deep into the night now and Xiao knew he would have to say goodbye very soon. He wasn't sure how ready he was to part from his love, still unable to believe he was gone at all.

Sniffling slightly, Xiao finally pulled away from the tight grasp he'd kept the samurai in. It was time to lay his love to rest, he knew. But first, he paused, and stared. Took in Kazuha and his features. He swore he could feel himself falling in love all over again, even asleep and soaked, the samurai was mesmerising. Snippets of nice memories played back to back in his head before finally, he thought of the last promise Kazuha had made. Xiao's eyes widened slightly, on the verge of tipping over once again.

Without thinking, he was quick to lean forward and place a gentle, fleeting kiss upon Kazuha's lips, the quietest "I love you," whispered against them. His eyes were watering again, barely fulfilling yet another promise to his late love. If only he wasn't so late.

The thought of what would happen to him now vaguely pressed into his thoughts as he lay Kazuha down in front of him. He couldn't believe he was alone again. And so soon too. However, he couldn't blame the samurai. After all,

Kazuha wasn't supposed to go. Xiao was supposed to protect him.