It was a sunny afternoon here in the Arellano University's quadrangle. I rubbed my hands together, trying to set aside the tension I'm feeling right now. Hindi naman 'to Singing contest, Pageant o Palarong Pambansa pero heto ako't kinakabahan sa resulta ng cooking showdown namin ngayon. Pansamantala kaming tumambay dito sa bench tanaw ang mga estudyanteng naglalakad sa gitna.
"Kalma ka lang. Masarap naman yung niluto mo, hindi nga lang masarap tignan." Alu sa akin ni France na sinabayan ng tawa.
Saglit akong nanlumo roon. I really suck at food presentation!
"Oo nga!" Si Mike.
"Malakas yung kutob ko na ikaw ang mananalo." Kinindatan naman ako John. "Trust me."
Huminga ako ng malalim at pilit na pinaniwala ang sarili sa sinabi ng mga kaibigan ko. It's already 3 o'clock. Kanina pa ang uwian namin pero nandito ang mga kaibigan ko para samahan ako kahit na alam kong may iba silang gagawin. My heart melts on that part. We entered this school without knowing each other and without the thought in my mind that these three stranger on my side would be my best friends.
We celebrated even though I just got the 2nd place. Masaya pa din ako dahil naipamalas ko ang kakayahan ko sa pagluluto at masaya dahil iyon ang unang pagkakataon kong sumali ng ganoong contest. It was the best experience. And with them, it has been great.
"Cheers to the best chef!" John screamed as we lifted our glass.
Nandito kami ngayon sa bahay. Umiinom ng juice dahil nandito ang mama ko at bawal ang alak para sa amin. Panira ng trip pero okay lang din. We've got to enjoy even without alcoholic drinks. We spent the night telling jokes and stories, while France keeps on ranting about her trash boyfriend.
Looking at them right now makes my heart happy. This was the friendship I've dreamt of. With them, I learned many values and I realized what my heart really wants. They've become my inspiration that is why I did my best to be the same for them.
By the way, I am Martha Angeles. My parents told me that my name was from the Irish gaelic word "Marthanóir" which means Survivor because apparently, I survived my mother's almost miscarriage and a car accident when I was younger. Only child lang ako at siguro dahil na rin doon kaya ako naghahanap ng kaibigan.
All my life I lived myself to the fullest. Masayang pamilya, kaibigan, maayos na buhay at pag-aaral. Lahat ng pwedeng gawin ay ginawa ko. Sumali ako ng volleyball team at nagkalat lang doon dahil hindi ko ma serve ang bola, I joined singing contest believing that I have the talent pero olats pa rin. Niyaya ko sila France na mag out of town kahit hindi alam ng parents namin. Umamin ako sa crush ko at ni-reject ang confession ko. Awit 'di ba? I've done some other humilating things but I just laughed on that. At the end of the day, I still smile and pray for these happy moments. Wala naman na kasi akong hihilingin pa.
Or maybe that's what I thought.
Nagising ako isang gabi, hapong hapo dahil sa kakaibang panaginip. Mariin akong napapikit. Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses kong napanaginipan ang bagay na iyon.
Sa panaginip ko, graduation na namin at masayang masaya ang lahat. France pulled me for a picture. My parents was there, smiling and clapping their hands. The quadrangle was full of students wearing their black toga and with a smile on their faces, hindi alintana ang matinding sikat ng araw.
Kung tutuusin normal ang panaginip ko... masaya. Pero may bigat sa pakiramdam akong nararamdaman sa tuwing tatama ang mata ko sa malaking banner na nakasabit sa gymnasium.
It says...
"Congratulations Chiefs!" And the batch year...
Sa lahat ng panaginip ko, ayon ang bagay na nagpapakaba sa akin. It is giving me a peculiar feeling and a hollow in my stomach. How ironic right? I should've feeling that hollow for my lover but here I am, feeling it over weird dreams.
