My Mind/My Thinking

Chapter One|Me {English}

07/06
2022
02:45 p.m.
Me

Maybe You should know that about me.

I am 14 years old, and I am supposed to live a happy teen life, but I do not.

Whether my life was normal at that time, I do not think either.

My 'childhood' was already over when I was six years old. Why and why, this was so, you will find out later.

I love listening to music, baking, and writing.

In addition, I suffer from several mental health problems and illnesses that have always made my life more difficult.

I have a mother and a father who are separated, as well as two siblings. These four people are one of the most triggering people for my mental illness. Even with the rest of my family, I never got along so well.

I do not own any friends in Real Life, as I just have a few people online.

Many people always say that everyone loves me online and that I have so many people, but they are still wrong. Many people talk or write to me, but with how much of it, don't I have to pretend? With too few, to almost none.

Would they miss me if I were just gone? I do not think so.

Besides, who can be trusted these days?

At the age of fourteen, I am in the eighth grade at a municipal high school.

Again, I do not have any friends or anything else.

I blacked out the first quarter of the second half of the year, did not go to school, just sat in the room, and fell back into my depression. That is also the reason I may have to repeat the school year.

My grades have always been great, only in foreign languages I have a problem.

English and Latin have never been good for me, although I have always had a one in Latin orally for the last few weeks, as I have signed up a lot and actively participated in classes. I am a little proud of myself.

In addition, I suffer from suicidal thoughts and try that have not yet worked. Can I be happy about it? I do not know.

All I know is that I am going to die.

So...

Hi, I am Sky, and this is my life...

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Already at the age of three, my brain was already far enough and mature enough to know how to do what and what can happen.

I prefer to work with examples, so I will give you one here.

When I was around three years old, my parents were still together and married, happy or not, I cannot judge.

But what I can say is that my parents argued a lot. Plates and other things flew through the area, which of course also cracked.

Any normal child might have started crying and stayed in the room, but as soon as I heard my parents arguing, I walked out of the room and stood at the door and watched.

Not because I thought it was funny or anything, no.

I knew at the age of three what could happen.

If you have a strong argument as an adult and even fly objects, it quickly happens that someone injures himself or you hurt the other so much out of anger that he dies. This has happened many times, not with my parents, but in this world.

So, when I was three years old, I stood at this door frame and hid, from time to time I was almost hit by flying things, but no one noticed me.

I was just so afraid that something could happen, that I stood there and was there in case someone was hurt.

Well, when this was never the case, I just went back to my room.

I hope you now know what I mean.

As already mentioned, I own two siblings.

A little sister and a big brother

My brother is about 2 years and 5 months older, and my sister is about 4 years and 9 months apart.

My siblings never made it easy for me either.

My brother has had an aggression problem since he was little- He quickly freaked out, beat me, walked a lot and was always mean to me.

From the beginning, my sister had problems pronouncing words correctly.

With that, my siblings always got the attention, and I was never important, I wrote good grades, never caused problems, but still everything was gone out of me, and I was always to blame for everything.

Slowly I get tired of being treated like this and nowadays everything has changed.

My siblings are great, and they are loved, I feel psychologically shitty and am now the problem child.

Everything about me is still going out and nobody cares how I feel.

That is all you need to know for this chapter.
Sorry for my poor English, I hope you understand most of it and if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

I hope I will improve myself soon in English

~Sky<3